Friday, April 10, 2009

Pleasure VS Abuse

I have a friend that this week I started talking to her about the BDSM lifestyle. This is a woman who I met outside this lifestyle and the more I chatted and talked with her, the more my freakdar was telling me this woman has a freaky and wild side hidden underneath. When we first started talking she would tell me that she didn't like to be spanked or anything like that. But the more I talked to her, the more I could tell she DOES like to give up control. Well, we have had a breakthrough ladies and gentleman. After asking the right questions, she has now admitted to wanting to be spanked and Dominated, and even has a Dominate streak in her. YES!!!!!! Another convert. Never let it be said I am not working hard to bring the vanilla people over. I have learned recently that it is best to not come right and tell people about my lifestyle. I have scared a few too many off just by bringing my paddle out or mentioning a flogger or even mentioning BDSM in general. I have learned it is best to sit back, exercise patience, (where have I heard that before?) and observe. I started with a woman who tells me she is turned off by the thought of being spanked to finally pulling out of her, with a few well asked, well worded questions, that under her skin, she is a freak. Is into being spanked. Hell, she even has thoughts of being the one in control. As I chatted with her, I did learn something and that is what I am going to talk about today.

I know I have written about this before, but I want to touch on it again. It is the fact that there are many people out there who are amatures and novices and they are practicing in an unsafe manner in this lifestyle. Because of their lack of knowledge and the abuse they hand out, it gives us a bad name. Just mentioning BDSM, and many people immediately judge you as an abuser. I have had many many conversations with people about this and doing my best to assure those and anyone else who will listen that this is not about abuse. It is not about hauling off and beating someone. There are a lot of us out there who would love to take these assholes that are giving us a bad name and abuse the fuck out of them. But the ones who actually practice and live this lifestyle know the difference between abuse and pleasure.

The other day I came across a website, I don't remember what it was, but at first, I was loving the site. Showed women in some tight bondage. Flogging. Humiliation. Some awesome looking furniture. Great rope skills. Some hot sex. You get the picture. But the more I thought about this website, the more I realized something. This website and any others like it are fueling the ideas and thoughts of abuse associated with this lifestyle. If you take time to look at these videos on this site, you will see a lot of the girls (actresses) who are getting off. But they also display the look of fear on their faces. Having a ball gag in, and someone taking a cane to their ass. The tears might be real, but it is sending the wrong message. The message is, it is not BDSM unless you are scaring the fuck out of the submissive, beating and abusing him/her, making the sub cry and beg for mercy, etc etc. What the video does NOT show is the negotiations before hand. It doesn't tell you that the people in the videos are into this. Their scene is, I want to cry. I want to be beat etc etc. At the end of the video, it shows the participants sitting around, discussing the scene. Asking how one another is. so on and so forth. In a sense, it is showing the after care involved.

I have said it before, nothing pisses me off more then closed, narrow minded assholes. If you want to damn me for my lifestyle choice, make damn sure you are doing it with all the facts and knowledge. If your facts and knowledge came from a porno, remember, the actors and actresses in the porno are paid individuals. They are acting. The marks are real. The tears are real, but it does not say this is how it has to be. These are people who WANT to do this. Who WANT this. Who NEED this. These are not people doing this against their will. They are of sound mind and body. They know what they are doing..... Does everyone get my point? Nod your head and repeat after me.... "Yes Sir, I understand." Good. That's what I like to hear.

My final thought is this. Too many people out there think they know how to spank, flog or paddle someone. If you are in this lifestyle and want to do these things. Please make sure you have the proper training. Don't just haul off and swat someone. Discuss it before hand. Open dialog with that person. Know how to swat, swing a flogger or bare hand spank someone. If you don't know then I encourage you to seek out someone who can show you. A local group. Buy a book. Ask others in the lifestyle. But please, don't abuse someone without their consent. If you do, then you will be the next one I blog about and I can assure you, it will not be as nice as this one. You fuckers are starting to piss me off.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

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