Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Honesty & Reality

So here I am, with a blank writing canvas to once again try and come up with something to blog about. I have so many thoughts in my head that I just can not get them out and on paper. The words are so jumbled, and so scattered. I can see them when I close my eyes. This past weekend, I was having a conversation with someone. I could see in their eyes that she had so many questions to ask. Finally I told her to close her eyes, and to reach out with her hand into that swirling bowl of questions and grab one. Pull it back to herself and read it to me from the palm of her hand. That seemed to work for her because the next hour or so was a question and answer session.

So, here I am, eyes closed and reaching out with my hand to grab one of those topics swirling around my blog bowl. And what have I come up with? Absolutely nothing. FUCK!!!!

Well, I lied, I did come up with something. LOL. Let’s talk about reality and honesty. Shall we?

Honesty is something we all say we appreciate, respect, expect, deserve and give. But how many of us really are honest? Honest not just with others, but also with ourselves? One thing I have come to realize over the past few years with myself is that not only am I going to be honest, brutally at times, but I am also a realist. How much more honest can you be that looking at reality and what is in front of you? I say that because over the last few weeks have been on a lot of dates. Some of them were vanilla dates, some of them have been kink dates. And the one thing that STILL amazes me is how people can not handle honesty. If I do not feel a connection from you in the first 5 minutes, I very seriously doubt I will feel one ever with you. I have had one occasion in my entire life, which was a few weeks ago, where after I met this young lady, before we ever went in to the restaurant, I looked at here and said, “I just don’t feel anything and I get the impression you’re not interested either. So why waste time sitting through a dinner where we both will be uncomfortable and just go ahead and go our separate ways now?” The next thing out of her mouth was berating me for being rude and selfish. I was like really? Reality told us that there was no attraction there. Honesty got me cursed. I just love honesty. I told her to pull her big girl panties up and move on to the next guy.

I am not the best looking guy out there, nor am I the worse looking guy out there. But the realist in me tells me who I have a chance with and who I don’t. You know what I am talking about. See a good looking guy or gal, and I mean GOOD LOOKING!!! How many of you say, “Yea, I don’t have a chance?” Many of you do. OKOK, I hear some of you saying, not me, I have a chance. LOVE your confidence. Go for it. Can I get a date with the hot women who are saying this? Yea, that’s what I thought. LOL.

Reality and honesty are one in the same. But they are also different. I try not to confuse the two, nor do I always mix the two. But many times they are the same and mix together quite well.

Just the other day, I had met a vanilla chic, one who I later discovered was very freaky and kinky. We seemed to click and hit it off ok. Turns out she works for a friend of mine. She asked her boss about me, her boss gave me a glowing report, even called me a saint. No seriously, she did call me a saint. Damn do I have her fooled. I mean, me a saint? Not hardly. But that’s another topic I will get to some day. Anyhow, for her birthday, I took her to breakfast and to a movie. NO she did not spend the night before breakfast. Anyhow, we spent the afternoon together, chatted a lot, laughed more and even played around. Nothing serious, in fact we both kept our clothes on. She was telling me about some things that were bothering her and me being the honest one, I gave her my HONEST opinion. Naturally she agreed with most, disagreed with some and even thanked me for being honest. She said more people should be like me and there should be less people who tell you what you want to hear. At the end of the day, my honesty also told her that while I was interested in her, there were personal things in her life that were causing me to keep her at arms length and would continue to do so until they were corrected. Because in reality, I do not deal with bull shit and drama too well. And that honesty even cost me a friendship and got me another negative response. WHAT THE FUCK is it with people who say they want honesty, but lash out at you when you give it to them? Make up your fucking mind people.

In closing, I will say this. I have told lies in the past. I am sure there will be lies in the future. I do not want to lie. I will always do my damndest to be honest. After all, reality tells us that lies will make a problem for you in the future, but honesty will make that problem a thing of the past. Stay honest, be real and above all else, be yourself.


I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.