What is your deep dark fantasy? No, not that fantasy. I mean DARK!!!. Come on. I know you want to say it. No need to be ashamed of it. One in particular I am talking about is rape. I know this is a touchy subject. If you don’t want to read about it, simply click the little white X in the little red box in the upper right corner of the screen. GOOD BYE!!!
For those of you who have chosen not to click the X, then please, enjoy my thoughts and comment if you wish. I have come across a lot of people in this lifestyle. And many of those brains I have been allowed to pick, question and climb inside of. One thing that I hear about often is the fact that there are a lot of thoughts, fantasies and even acts of rape within this lifestyle. What is somewhat shocking to me is to learn of how many people have been actually raped against their will, yet they still participate in this lifestyle. Let me expand on that statement. Rape can be brutal. Rape can be an act of violence. Violence so brutal that it not only will leave you emotionally and mentally scared, but also physically scared. Some people have experienced rape like this yet they still actively practice this lifestyle. This is a lifestyle of control or lack of. A submissive giving up control, allowing one self to have things done to them such as being bound up, flogged, spanked, given to someone else…. etc, but has been raped against their will before. I have never been raped. So maybe it is unfair of me to make any statement about rape.
Before I go on, I want to clarify my thoughts and feelings here. Society as a whole thrives on violence. Some legal and some illegal. Legal violence such as boxing, ultimate fighting, football etc. Illegal violence such as dog fights, cock fighting etc. The movie and television industry make a lot of money off of violence. Every day you turn on the news and they are talking about violence somewhere. What pushes people to act out in a violent way is something a lot of us will never understand. I am a man. Full of testosterone. I admit, violence can be exciting to me. Watching a football game, or boxing, I always find myself excited over a big hit or a knock out blow. But violence in the way that some one is maimed and physically harmed is different.
If you sense a little struggle here, you are right. I am struggling to express myself in a manner that I don’t contradict myself. I have never actually raped someone unwillingly. But I have raped in a scene. This brings me to the reason of this blog. I have a friend that I met recently who is local AND in the lifestyle. She is very easy to talk with. We share a lot of the same views, we disagree on some. Recently she expressed to me she has a rape fantasy. We have discussed it in some length and she has asked me (well I volunteer her and I) to play out a rape scene. We discussed limits, which only a few were set. No broken bones or death. DUH!!!. Next she asked the question, “How will it happen? What will happen? When will it happen?” I told her you can not script this. In order to have the full affect of a rape, I feel you can not script it. You have to allow things to develop as they happen.
The other day after we had discussed it, we were having a conversation. One thing lead to another and the next thing you know, I showed up at her house unannounced, uninvited (I think I have an open invitation as long as parameters are adhered to) and totally unexpected. She first jumped out of her skin when she saw me. Good, get her on edge to start with. Grabbing her by her shirt and dragging her to her bedroom, I threw her down on her bed and got within inches of her face and began to scream and yell at her for telling me “NO” to something she was instructed to do by yours truly. Slapping her face a couple of times, more verbal abuse, I went to slap her once more and she reached out and attempted to grab my hand. This added to the moment. Grabbing her shirt, ripping it from her body, I twisted her nipple hard, flipping her over, slapping her ass hard, more verbal abuse then just as abruptly as I entered, I was gone. Leaving her in a state of arousal, of fear, yet wanting more more more.
I did this for a couple of reasons. One of course because I thrive on seeing people struggle like that. I love fucking with people’s minds. I love keeping them guessing. The look in her eyes. The way her body was so afraid yet aroused. Oh the thrill of power. The excitement of having some one exactly where I want them. Oh yes, what a rush. But I also did this to “test the waters” with her. I wanted to see if she would be able to handle moving forward. Give her a little taste of what could happen. And she loved it. She wants more. She is afraid of the scene, yet she is so turned on by the scene she is WANTS it. NEEDS it. CRAVES it. I don’t claim to be an expert on rape. I just feel like I can help someone live out a rape fantasy. I mean after all, I did stay at a Holiday Inn once.
Bottom line is this. Some people seek fear. Either giving or receiving. A rape scene is another way of expressing fear. Some seek it. Some have lived it. Some are afraid of it. Either way, rape is a brutal act. Either willingly or unwillingly. Rape is brutal.
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.