Thursday, April 30, 2009

To my dear friend.....

Normally I don't show emotion. But after writing this entry, I am very emotional. I have tears in my eyes. I say this to let you know how much I care about my friend. After rereading this, I had to add this. I want everyone else to know and understand how much she means to me.

The other day I got a message from a friend of mine. Well, she is more then a friend. She is something special to me. My babydoll as I call her. She is a funny, caring, extremely intelligent, opinionated, compassionate, cute young lady. I say cute, because she is very much into age play. She has those cute puppy dogs eyes she used to flash at me when she wanted something. Damn her for that. I can hear her giggling right now with that comment. "Sorry Sir" is what she is saying. No you are not. We both know better don't we? She is one of the few who has and I am sure will manipulate me in the future. I remember her coming over to my apartment when she was in college and eating dinner. Afterwards, she would go to my office to do her homework. A few times I would check in on her and catch her with one of her many coloring books out and coloring. She hated standing in the corner when she got in trouble. Hated it with a passion. I just knew one day I was going to be walking by her corner and see where she wrote on my wall with a crayon. She is like that.

To meet her in public, in a vanilla setting, she would blow you away. She can carry on a conversation with the best of them. To just talk to her, you would never believe she is in this lifestyle. And if you thought she was in this lifestyle, many would think she is a Domme. But I know better. I miss a lot of our conversations. I miss sitting on the sofa with her and watching movies and eating popcorn. She was great to hang out with. I still chuckle when I think about the times we played and some of the things I did with her. I could always tell when we did something she loved because she would barely speak above a whisper and her whole body would blush in ecstasy. I say all of this about her because as I said, she will always have her own corner in my heart. She is that dear of a friend to me. I know she reads this blog. In fact, she is the first person I shared it with.

I say all of this about her because she has a difficult decision to make in life right now. I am not going to go into details, but I want her to know I am here for her. She is never alone in anything. I know she thinks a lot about me. I think a lot about her. If we were not so far apart, I would give her the biggest hug possible. She needs a pick me up in life right now and I hope it is working. I want her to know that nothing is impossible. I want her to know everything in life happens for a reason. I want her to know that God will never put more on her shoulders then he knows she can handle. I want her to know that every time she smiles, someone is thinking of her. I want her to know that I have some new coloring books and crayons for her anytime she wants them.

My final thought is this. Babydoll, you are very dear to me. I love you and you are never alone. I love you in a way that can never be explained or understood. You are very dear to me. Have been and will always be. Daddy will always be here for you. Keep your chin up. And don't forget to smile. You always have a sparkle in your eye when you smile. This one time, I am going to change the phrase in my signature for my friend. For my..... babydoll.

I WILL kiss away the tears.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Rambling thoughts and BDSM 101 class

So this morning I am sitting here staring at the box to start a new post and I am not sure what to write about. I thought about continuing the story. But I am just not feeling it this morning. I don't want to say I have writers block, I just don't know what to write about. I am just not feeling it. The bad thing is I am in a writing mood this morning. I have several things going through my head but just can not put it into words. Man, what frustration this is. OK, here goes, I am going to try and start something.

Every day I think about BDSM. Every day I think about whats inside me. I don't want to say it controls my thoughts or my life but every day I find it more difficult to suppress these thoughts. No matter what I am doing, I always attempt to incorporate BDSM into in some form. Sometimes I am at work and trying to manipulate a vendor or a coworker into doing something that needs to be done. Sometimes I use my own self discipline inside me to make it through a task. Or when I go home at night, either dealing with the family or in any of the numerous volunteer organizations, I am always trying to incorporate this lifestyle. The other night I was out with friends and some of my lifestyle friends showed up. One expressed to me I am like a Daddy Dom to her. I always find myself on the end of playing Daddy to a lot of people both lifestyle and vanilla. I even have a few younger vanilla lady friends who refer to me as Papa Bear.

I tend to be the type who wants to help everyone. I will answer questions for anyone who asks. I will offer advice either solicited or unsolicited. I provide an unbiased opinion when asked for one. I even lend an ear when someone needs to vent. I have offered demonstrations. I have even blogged about a certain topic to help another out. My latest offering is to lead a BDSM 101 class for the local group here in town. The day after I offered, I thought to myself, "What the FUCK have I gotten myself into?" Then I thought about it and said, I can do this. Hell I am all the time offering advice and counseling to others. Whats a class with a bunch of people sitting there, hanging on my every word. Things that make you say HMMMMM!!!!!! I sense an evil plan in the works. EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!

I want to ask you, the readers to provide me with some ideas of what you would like to see in a BDSM 101 class. Somethings I think I will discuss will be respect, limits, negotiation, safe words, safety, cleanup and aftercare. What do you think? Anything else? Something I am leaving out or something in particular you think I should touch on? Many of my thoughts come from other peoples experience, a lot based on my experience. If you choose to not open up, I can not be an effective teacher. WAKE UP CLASS!!!!!! Oh yeah, I am going to enjoy teaching a class.

Many times I am blogging on something and as I am writing I am trying to entice responses from people. As of this post I have had 18 comments. WTF. I know there are more then 18 comments out there. Now granted a few of you discuss it with me through messenger. Your comments might help others or in some cases, help me. I value opinions. You don't have to agree with me, but I would still like to see or hear your side of it. I am sure there are others reading this that will as well.

I was just thinking about this one time I had a sub and I invited her over to the house and played with her while others observed. I remember the thoughts and feelings I had leading up to that evening the excitement I had. Not only playing and fucking with another, but also toying with the minds of spectators. I remember in preparing for the evening, I put hooks in the ceiling. Laying the rope out. Planning my evening of fun. Playing the scene out in my mind of what I wanted to do. Adding something else in. Stopping my thoughts and saying, "Oh don't forget to do that." I even went so far as to set up a space heater for the comfort of the guests. I know, I am a nice guy. Don't always expect it though. I don't want you think I am a softee or a fucking nice guy ALL the time. As the night progressed, the sweat forming on my brow, the smell of leather. The sound of my flogger landing on the intended spot. The whines, the moans, a few gasps, the sound of the rope pulling tight..... Oh sweet bliss. What a night.

OK, some of you are biting your lower lip. Stop that. Now your eyes are wide asking, "How did he know?" Damn I am good huh? And for those of you in denial, you know who you are, you are the ones who yearn for it the most. Yes you. No, not you, YOU!!!!!!!

My final thought..... hmm Do I have a final thought on this? Wait, yes I do. Feedback people. Provide it. I am like a fire, I need fuel. Throw another log on, or if you are daring, dump fuel on the fire. Just be careful and don't get burned. You adding a log doesn't mean the fire will intensify the way you want it to.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Meeting others.

The other night I went out with my wife and some friends to a local club. Several of our friends were already there and more showed up later. The music was loud. The beer was cold. The titties were plentiful. I met a few new people that night. One couple I met were new to the club. New to me at least. I had not seen them there before. They were young, exciting and good looking. What caught my eye with them was the mini flogger she held in her hand. Not too many times do you see someone wielding a tool of my trade at a club. Let alone out in public. After eyeing her for a few minutes and discussing her with a couple of friends, I decided to approach and see what she intended to do with her mini flogger.

She eyed me coming up to her and as I leaned on the railing that separates the dance floor from the seating area, her husband/boyfriend pulled her closer. He must have felt threatened by me. Why? Hell if I know. I asked her what she had in her hand there. Before she answered, she swung it at me and the tails landed on my forearm. When I didn't react, jump, wince or show any other surprise, she swung it again and again. Finally I asked her what she was doing and she said she was showing me what it was. She then tells me she loves her new toy and what she paid for it. I am one to never pass up an opportunity so I told her I have 2 very nice leather ones at home. Would her and her husband/boyfriend like to check them out. The look on their face was priceless.

Sometimes I get more enjoyment out of the look of horror and shock on peoples faces when I let them in on the dark side of me. Back in the fall I was at this same club and I brought my flogger with me. Many of the people avoided me like I had a weapon of mass destruction with me. However, there were a few who approached me and inquired about what I had. I gave a few demonstrations that night. Even brought one over to the dark side. Conversing with many of these people I usually get the same story. The other part of the twosome is not into BDSM, spanking, bondage, etc and I am so intrigued. I want to learn more blah blah blah. I love meeting new people and discovering that there is some freak inside of them. They just need help bringing it out.

Many times it is by accident I meet a lot of people who say they are into some of the same things as me. A few times on purpose. Like I have said before, you can see it in their eyes if they are really into this. The look of lust. The glassy eyes, the partially open dry mouth. The shallow breathing.... all signs they like what they see. I have the uncanny ability to read people. It is a blessing and a curse. I tell people this and they always say... "OK, tell me what I am thinking." Well duh, you are thinking, this guy cant read me. After we are done laughing about it, later on I will tell them what they are thinking at that moment and that's when they tend to amazed. They always ask, how do you know that? How do you do that? Its just me. I don't know. I just can.

Some people are more difficult to read then others. Some have a wall up attempting to hide something from their past. Their hurt from the past will not allow them to open up. Until they decide to let their guard down, open the door in their wall, they will not get past their painful past. Sometimes it is physical, sometimes emotional. All the time it is hurt they have. Too many times I have heard stories from others over their emotional, physical and mental scars they suffered at the hands of another in this lifestyle. It really pisses me off when I hear about the predators that are out there. The ones who do not have the experience and think it is all about beating the shit out of the other. Someone once told me abuse is what the other makes of it. Wrong. Abuse is what the controlling one does to the other. It is not an opinion or an interpretation. Abuse it what it is. ABUSE. I am not going to go off on a tangent here, but check back in the future for a post about abuse.

My final thought is this. People in general are a strange breed. My kink is someone else's taboo. Their kink is expected with me. So on. When people are comfortable in their own skin, in their element, in their surrounding, they usually let their guard down and let the inhibitions out. Don't be afraid to express yourself. You never know when I might be lurking in the room. I am always observing people. I love it. If I do approach you, don't be afraid. I wont bite..... hard.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Story time part 2

Her heart was racing as the word rolled off her tongue. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip waiting for the caller on the other end to speak.

In a soft, gentle deep voice, the man on the other end asked. "Good evening, is this Megan Morgan?" He sounded as if he was in the other room. She sat straight up in the tub and in a nervous voice responded. "Yes, this is she. How may I help you?"

"You tell me. You are the one who sent your number to me."

She stopped breathing. Her heart skipped several beats. Her eyes wide open with fear and excitement. She switched the phone in her hands as she bit her bottom lip. "I, errr, you, ummm, I'm sorry, you sort of caught me at a bad time. May I call you back in a few minutes?"

After a few seconds, she asked the question again. He answered, "No, you may not. I will be in the hotel restaurant at 8pm. Meet me there for dinner. I will have a table by the window." The line went dead. She didn't move for 30 seconds. The thumping of her pulse in her ear brought her back to reality. Looking at her phone, she realized she had 30 mins to get ready. She thought to herself, what am I going to wear? I haven't shaved my legs. I need to wash my hair. Not enough time. The hair and legs will have to wait. She got out of the tub, grabbed a towel and dried off. Pulling on her robe, tying it tight around her waist, she hurried off to the closet in her suite to see what she could wear. As she walked past her bed, she stopped dead in her tracks. Laying across the bed was a red dress, black stockings and red stiletto heels. A strand of pearls where in the open jewelry box by the neck of the dress. There was an note on top of the dress. She grabbed the note and held her breath. She thought to herself, where did all of this come from? Opening the note, her eyes widened. It was a check list of things to do before meeting him. She spun around twice in fear. He was in here. He WAS in the next room when I answered the phone. She reread the note again.

#1 shave every bit of hair from your neck down. I will be performing an inspection.
#2 wear what I laid out for you.
#3 don't be late.

She looked at the clock. 7:35 She has 25 minutes to be downstairs. She rushed off to the bathroom. Turning the water of the tub on, she went over to her travel bag and grabbed her razor and shaving cream. Lathering her legs up, she dipped the razor under the scolding hot water. Starting at her ankles, she pulled the razor up her long lean legs. Across her strong calves. Rubbing her hands over her legs, she checked for anymore stubble. Smooth as a newborns ass. Rushing back to the mirror, she applied her makeup. Spraying her perfume on her neck and stomach, she glanced at her phone. 7:50 She had to hurry. Pulling the stockings over her legs, she smoothed them out. Her heart racing. Her breathing fast, she ran her hands between her legs. Touching herself, she realized she had not shaved her pubic area. No time now. Standing up, she went to her lingerie drawer and pulled out her favorite panties and bra. A red lace matching set. Slipping into her panties and hoking the bra, she stepped back to the bed and pulled on the dress. It draped down to her calves, split high up her legs. Turning and looking to the mirror, she could see her stocking tops. Very sexy and daring. Stepping into the heels, she grabbed her phone and hurried out the door. Hurrying down the hall, she looked at her phone once again. 7:57 She was just going to make it.

"Where is the damn elevator?!?!?" She kept punching the down button. Looking up she could see the numbers counting up showing where the elevator was at. "Hurry!!!!" As she stepped into the elevator she glanced at her phone yet again. 8:00 Her heart stopped. She was going to be late. She prayed that her watch was slow. Punching the ground floor, she bit her lip again. Down the elevator went. Stopping a few times. The men getting on could not help but stare at her. Looking at her reflection in the doors of the elevator she smiled and thought, I truly am beautiful. The elevator came to a stop on the bottom floor. Not waiting for the doors to fully open, she was out and into the lobby. Entering the restaurant, she looked at her phone once more. 8:04 Cursing under her breath she bit her lip again. Looking around, she spotted him where he said he would be. As she walked over to the table, he stood and pulled her chair out for her. She smiled a nervous smile, took her seat and together scooted closer to the table. As he walked around to sit down, she looked him in the eyes and said "I am sorry I am late, the eleva.." He cut her off, "I don't care about the elevator, we will discuss your punishment later. Would you like a glass of wine?"

Friday, April 17, 2009

Biblical submission

The other day I met a new friend from Collarme. She complimented me on my blog. As the day progressed, she mentioned something that got my gears spinning. Biblical submission. I remember one time, in my first marriage, my wife and I were having a discussion about the bible. Hold on, I am not bringing religion to my blog. So dig your panties out of your ass and keep reading. First let me preface this by saying I am not an expert on the bible so don't ask me for chapter and verse where this is discussed, because I don't know. Somewhere in the bible it references biblical submission. The way it was explained to me is the man is the head of house, he makes the final decisions concerning all to do with his house and family. The wife becomes a submissive to the husband. Hence, biblical submission.

Over time, I can see where this has been stretched, manipulated, twisted etc. The wife becomes the stay at home mom. Cooking, cleaning, having and caring for the children etc etc. The man is the bread winner. He ventures out daily to his job, brings home the money to pay the bills. You get where I am going with that. Back to my friend and what her and I discussed. She referenced the man should be head of house and it his duties to care of all concerned when it comes to the home. Submissive included. My comment back to her was "Kinky biblical submission." She agreed that is what she was seeking.

After taking sometime to think about this, it got me thinking there are many many levels of submission. It is all in interpretation of submission. Some Dominates look at submission as a doormat. Ok, not some. A LOT!!! Don't get me started. One, women who are submissive are not doormats from beginning. Unless it is something they seek, desire and discuss with their Dominate. Some Dominates, such as myself, treat submissives with respect. A submissive will know their role in this lifestyle. Such as a woman knows her role in a biblical submission. Many times people have the idea that submission is a bad thing. A sign of weakness. I am here to tell you it is not. Submission is a beautiful thing and should be treated as such and respected. A submissive is as good as their Dominate. The better their Dominate treats, respects, builds, nurtures and trains their submissive, the better they become. I know many submissives who are extremely successful. One good friend, lives in Florida and has multiple businesses she owns and started from her own bare hands.

Biblical submission is just another lifestyle that people choose to live. The woman knows her role. The woman accepts her role. Does it make her less of a woman? No. Should she be treated as less that a woman? No. Today's society has gotten away from biblical submission due to the women's movement in the 60's and 70's. Today's woman is a successful business woman. Head of Fortune 500 companies. Women are now in the military. Governors and Mayors. Women hold position of power. Hell, we almost made history in the last election. Women are strong, powerful, and intelligent.

I have a very good vanilla friend who is a very successful business woman. Hell, my wife is like this. These 2 women believe that men should not cook, clean, do laundry, cook or do anything like this. It is a woman's job. Many times I have been run out of the kitchen while warming up leftovers. These 2 women rush home after work, do laundry, cook dinner, fold clothes, clean the kitchen etc after putting in a full day at work. I admire them for thinking and feeling it is their responsibility to do these things. Do I try to change them? HELL NO!!!! Anytime I can sit on my ass and not do a damn thing, I am grateful. Seriously, with my wife doing all these things, it opens me up to do more things.

My final thought is this. The lifestyle is all around us. It is referenced in the bible. People just need to open their eyes and look around. It is there. It amazes me how many different times I see and can incorporate BDSM into my everyday life. I remember when I introduced my wife to this lifestyle. her first question was "Why?" My first response was, because it is who I am. But I also explained it this way. Imagine the strongest bond between 2 people. Imagine their love for one another. Now multiply that a bazillionmillion times. I once saw this in a BDSM couples eyes one time. Communicating without having to utter a single word. Knowing when it is enough. Or to push more. The mental connection. The emotional connection. But until I find that, I will enjoy taking a woman over my knee and spanking her.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Story time

She was a beautiful woman. Her makeup was always perfect. Her clothes always looked as if they were tailored specifically for her body. Her hair looked to be fresh from the salon. Her dark hair cascading over her shoulders. Never a hair out of place, nor on her clothes anywhere. She looked as if she constantly used a lint roller. Her nails were manicured to perfection. Her smile could brighten the skies on a dark and storming day. Her eyes were as green as the grass on a championship golf course. Her perfume would intoxicate any red blooded, testosterone filled man. Her skin was smooth and creamy. Her legs were long enough to stride stairs two at a time without effort. Her ass was firm. All those steps in aerobics had paid off. Her breasts were perky. Her nipples the size of erasers and slightly pointing up. She had no cosmetic surgery. She was a walking Barbi doll. She was blessed with good genes in her family. Her mom was Miss Universe in her days. Her father, the best athlete in his day. She didn't choose modeling or even athletics. She choose education. As she aged, she went into business. Her ambition was business woman of the century. She was well on her way with running a multi-billion dollar company that she started while in high school with 100 dollars her father gave her as start up capital. Now she was the most well known business woman in the world.

She WAS the most beautiful, most elegant woman in the world. She was single, never married. She was the most eligible woman to ever walk the earth. But why?

She has a man in her life. No one knows about him though He is your typical, everyday male. Hard working, trusting, youth volunteering, church going man. One day while she was at a book signing she noticed him standing off to the side. She wondered if his wife was in line waiting for her to sign her book. She was distracted by this man. Something told her that she needed to say hello. To introduce herself to him. He was standing with such confidence. She just..... just couldn't take her eyes off of him. Her breathing became shallow. Her heart raced. Her face flushed. A voice called her by name. She turned to see a woman holding a book open for her to sign. The woman spoke, "That man over there sure is a handsome man. Do you know him?"

"No I don't. I need to meet him though." The words coming from her lips sounded like a girl going through puberty. Her voice cracking. Her mouth was dry. She swallowed hard. Reaching for a bottle of water she took a drink. Signing the book, she looked up with a smile and thanked the woman for buying her book. Before the woman could take the book back, she looked again for this man. He was gone. She turned her head more, looking, searching. He was no where to be found. "Would you like for me to introduce you to him?" The words caught her off guard. Her head snapped around. Her pony tail whipping like a horse swatting at flies. "You know him?!?"

"Yes he is... he is a dear friend of mine." She didn't know how to address him in public like this. The author took a piece of paper, scribbled her number on it and handed it to the lady. Please ask him to give me a call this evening. I would love to meet him for a drink."

The lady took the paper and disappeared into the crowd. The day went by in a blur. All she could think about was this man. She could not get him out of her mind. She signed books. posed for pictures. But she does not remember doing this. When the day was done, she was back in her suite at the hotel. She needed a bath. She needed to wash the grime of the day off of her skin. She took the phone with her to make sure she didn't miss the call from the mysterious man. As she settled into the hottest bath she could draw, the bubbles high, candles burning. The smell of lavender in the rub flooded her nostrils. She settled back, resting her head on the pillow on the side of the tub. Her thoughts went to this man. Wondering who he was. Wondering what it was about him that was consuming her every thought. She sighed. Not having a man in her life was starting to irritate her. She was at the age that she craved companionship on a personal level. She thought more about him. He looked rugged, yet refined. He had broad shoulders. Dark hair. Strong facial features. She gently bit her bottom lip. Her hands sank below the bubbles. Her left hand going to her erect nipples. Her right hand settling between her legs. Just as she inhaled when her hand cupped her bare pussy, her cell phone rang. Jumping, she splashed water out of the tub. The phone got wet. She grabbed for a towel to dry her hands off. Grabbing for the ringing phone she prayed that she hadn't ruined it.

Her voice trembled as she answered. "Hello?"


The other day I was doing some thinking about this lifestyle and how I have progressed in my life. I used to be the type that had no patience. I put expectations on people before I had a chance to get to know them, let alone meet them. I was always quick to jump to conclusions. I always thought that life was going to pass me by without me. After countless times of feeling let down and hurt, I took sometime to myself and stepped away. I analyzed myself and where the breakdowns and hurt was coming from. I realized I was impatient. I wanted things right then. Someone once told me that not everyone could be what I wanted or expected them to be. Another person told me that you can not force things on anyone. I learned that patience was the best. I learned that good things DO come to those who wait. Rome was not built in a day. We shouldn't expect anything to happen over night. In my vanilla life, I was being a friend to someone and I told them that life is only overwhelming if you allow it to stress you out. Take things one at a time. At the end of the day, life always seems to work itself out. Life is funny like that.

Many times I come across people in this lifestyle who want now, who expect now, who demand now. What do I tell them? Be patient. And how many times do I get an eye roll or I cant be patient? TOO DAMN MANY. if you can not learn to exercise self control and have patience, then you will be nothing more then a friend to me. If you can demonstrate those things, then I would consider more. Too many times I have pissed someone off by saying this. Guess what, I am here for me. If you want to ride this train with me, then please follow my lead and simple instructions. If not, then don't even fucking get on. Period. One of the quickest ways to get on my bad side is to push me. Push me and I will do one of two things. Push back and harder, or walk away. Ask anyone who really knows me about pushing back. It is not a good thing. Patience is a virtue. Whoever coined that phrase is right on the money. I can not tell you how many times I have exercised patience that before I needed to make my decision, it worked itself out.

Another discussion I had once was about eagerness vs impatience. Eagerness is a lot different. Eagerness can fall into the category of being willing, being open. Being eager is a good thing. Being eager is a sign of wanting to learn, and be taught. I like someone that is eager to learn. There is a big difference between the two. A person who is eager is easy to teach. They are a sponge, looking to soak anything and everything up. It is possible that an eager person can turn impatient.

My final thought is this. Being inpatient can put you or someone else at risk. And in this lifestyle, hell in any lifestyle, putting someone at risk is not a good thing. So don't do it. Don't allow someone to put you at risk. Patience truly is a virtue. Learn patience if you do not already know it.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Pleasure VS Abuse

I have a friend that this week I started talking to her about the BDSM lifestyle. This is a woman who I met outside this lifestyle and the more I chatted and talked with her, the more my freakdar was telling me this woman has a freaky and wild side hidden underneath. When we first started talking she would tell me that she didn't like to be spanked or anything like that. But the more I talked to her, the more I could tell she DOES like to give up control. Well, we have had a breakthrough ladies and gentleman. After asking the right questions, she has now admitted to wanting to be spanked and Dominated, and even has a Dominate streak in her. YES!!!!!! Another convert. Never let it be said I am not working hard to bring the vanilla people over. I have learned recently that it is best to not come right and tell people about my lifestyle. I have scared a few too many off just by bringing my paddle out or mentioning a flogger or even mentioning BDSM in general. I have learned it is best to sit back, exercise patience, (where have I heard that before?) and observe. I started with a woman who tells me she is turned off by the thought of being spanked to finally pulling out of her, with a few well asked, well worded questions, that under her skin, she is a freak. Is into being spanked. Hell, she even has thoughts of being the one in control. As I chatted with her, I did learn something and that is what I am going to talk about today.

I know I have written about this before, but I want to touch on it again. It is the fact that there are many people out there who are amatures and novices and they are practicing in an unsafe manner in this lifestyle. Because of their lack of knowledge and the abuse they hand out, it gives us a bad name. Just mentioning BDSM, and many people immediately judge you as an abuser. I have had many many conversations with people about this and doing my best to assure those and anyone else who will listen that this is not about abuse. It is not about hauling off and beating someone. There are a lot of us out there who would love to take these assholes that are giving us a bad name and abuse the fuck out of them. But the ones who actually practice and live this lifestyle know the difference between abuse and pleasure.

The other day I came across a website, I don't remember what it was, but at first, I was loving the site. Showed women in some tight bondage. Flogging. Humiliation. Some awesome looking furniture. Great rope skills. Some hot sex. You get the picture. But the more I thought about this website, the more I realized something. This website and any others like it are fueling the ideas and thoughts of abuse associated with this lifestyle. If you take time to look at these videos on this site, you will see a lot of the girls (actresses) who are getting off. But they also display the look of fear on their faces. Having a ball gag in, and someone taking a cane to their ass. The tears might be real, but it is sending the wrong message. The message is, it is not BDSM unless you are scaring the fuck out of the submissive, beating and abusing him/her, making the sub cry and beg for mercy, etc etc. What the video does NOT show is the negotiations before hand. It doesn't tell you that the people in the videos are into this. Their scene is, I want to cry. I want to be beat etc etc. At the end of the video, it shows the participants sitting around, discussing the scene. Asking how one another is. so on and so forth. In a sense, it is showing the after care involved.

I have said it before, nothing pisses me off more then closed, narrow minded assholes. If you want to damn me for my lifestyle choice, make damn sure you are doing it with all the facts and knowledge. If your facts and knowledge came from a porno, remember, the actors and actresses in the porno are paid individuals. They are acting. The marks are real. The tears are real, but it does not say this is how it has to be. These are people who WANT to do this. Who WANT this. Who NEED this. These are not people doing this against their will. They are of sound mind and body. They know what they are doing..... Does everyone get my point? Nod your head and repeat after me.... "Yes Sir, I understand." Good. That's what I like to hear.

My final thought is this. Too many people out there think they know how to spank, flog or paddle someone. If you are in this lifestyle and want to do these things. Please make sure you have the proper training. Don't just haul off and swat someone. Discuss it before hand. Open dialog with that person. Know how to swat, swing a flogger or bare hand spank someone. If you don't know then I encourage you to seek out someone who can show you. A local group. Buy a book. Ask others in the lifestyle. But please, don't abuse someone without their consent. If you do, then you will be the next one I blog about and I can assure you, it will not be as nice as this one. You fuckers are starting to piss me off.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.