During our conversation we got on the subject of submissives. We talked about how important communication is. Being open minded to others and their wants and needs. Even discussed personal preferences in women. I love talking with bisexual/lesbian women and comparing notes about women in general. One of her comments hit the nail on the head. The best submissive is one who can Dominate themselves. I am hearing a lot of "HUH?'s" and see people scratching their heads. Let me elaborate on this.
The best submissive is one who knows what he/she wants. Knows how to express themselves. Understands how important communication is. The best submissive is one who can control themselves without constant guidance from another. The best submissive is not meek, unsure, or even afraid. The best submissive is the one who will speak up, stand up, and stand out without the help of another. The best submissive is one who can Dominate themselves.
I am not saying that they tie themselves up, spank their own ass or even deny themselves an orgasm. Stop thinking like that. Open your eyes and your mind for a moment. Ask any Dominant and majority, if not all will tell you that they seek a submissive that is able to make decisions on their own, in the best interest of their Dominant without said Dominant there. Many times I hear from others who are submissives,"I am not a doormat, do not want to be treated as one." Good. Stand up for yourself. Don't let someone push you around. I, myself, don't want a submissive who is a doormat and allow others to push her around. I love a submissive who has a backbone. I want a strong submissive. Not a weak minded one.
Dominating them self is about exercising self control. Don't get me wrong. I love a submissive who can beg effectively. I love a submissive who is creative and manipulative. Although, I have yet to find one who can out manipulate me. Anyone want to give it a shot?
I have learned that the best submissive is one who can be open with their wants and needs. They are able to communicate effectively and openly. They are completely honest at all times. Many times I ask a potential new submissive to keep a written journal that I will read. In that journal it is an open and free area for them to write about anything they want to without fear of being punished for expressing their thoughts. For those who have a hard time communicating, it is easier for them to keep this journal and have learned to express themselves. In order to fully give themselves to another, they must first be able to Dominate themselves.
No many of you are probably thinking, "I am a shitty submissive then." Wrong. I am not saying you are. Maybe you haven't come across the right Dominant. Maybe you have the wrong attitude. If you are going to constantly talk negative, you will never grow in this lifestyle. Keep a positive attitude and good things will happen. Everyone in this lifestyle is different. This is my opinion I am sharing with others. I am sure some of you have different opinions from me. That's great. If you wish to share that opinion, I would love to read it. Please feel free to comment at anytime on this. Either comment on the blog, or email me directly.
My final thought is this. At the end of the day we are all equal in someway in this lifestyle. Always follow the golden rule of treat others the same way you want to be treated. Be true to yourself. Don't sugar coat it or lie to yourself in order to please another. Be the best you can be at all times. You never know who is watching and observing. I am ALWAYS watching and observing. The best submissive is one who can Dominate them self.
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.