Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cyber playing

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend and she asked me to write about cyber play and how some get into more the others. Well, here goes.....

Before there were chat rooms on the Internet, instant messaging and even texting there was the phone. I remember being a teen in high school and having a girl I lusted over. During the summers we would get on the phone at night and listen to one another say dirty things. Many times, we would just listen to the other do their thing and often times we would both fall asleep on the phone. Many nights I woke up to the sound of her soft steady breathing. I would gently kiss the phone and go back to sleep. When we would be together, neither of us had the guts to say or even discuss the same things we talked about on the phone. I never called a porn line to have a woman talk dirty to me. Why should I pay for it when I had her?

Then the internet came and I discovered chat rooms and instant messaging. With that came cyber sex. Being able to type dirty thoughts, and imagine what the she was doing on the other end. I don't know of anyone who has not had cyber sex. If they tell you they never have, take as many steps backwards as quickly as possible. Those hairs standing up on the back of your neck is the electricity in the air from the lightning bolt that is about to come down and strike that person.

Why are people so quick to type/text or even say things on the phone to another but when you are face to face, you are not so quick to discuss the same things. Just the other day I had this exact same conversation with another friend. It is because it is VERY EASY to hide behind the phone or computer monitor and say these things and not feel embarrassed or even rejection from the other when you say these things. In a sense, many people consider it taboo to think those thoughts, let alone say them in person. But taboo is what really turns everyones crank in one way or another. I admit, I am the same way. I am quick to text a dirty thought to a woman, but when I see that woman face to face, sometimes I have a hard time acting out that same thought. It happens. In our minds, we are thinking about that text, but for whatever reason, the fear in us prevents us from bringing it up.

I know many times you have read in my blog where I talk about communication. I expect it. I demand it. But even I fail at it sometimes. I am human after all. We all make mistakes. So fuck it. It happens. Besides, when you both are thinking the same thing. When you can see it in their eyes that they are thinking the same as you. Sometimes it is best left unsaid. Just makes the fantasy even more intense. In a sense, you are mind fucking that person, as they are mind fucking you. Hell, you are mind fucking yourself when the anxiety of it drives you mad with lust. It has happened to me. Does that make me a samasochists? A sadist and masochist in one? Inflicting mental and emotional pain on myself? I just heard a collective slap. By a show of hands, how many of you just slapped your foreheads and screamed "I shouldve had a V8?" Ok, maybe you didn't say the V8 but many of you subconsciously slapped your foreheads. Damn I love it when I am right. Hey, you don't like my ego, quit reading. No one is holding a gun to your head.

The negative aspect is some people turn out to be all talk. These people will not act out on those thoughts. Many people get online and chat with you pretending to be someone else. This goes along the lines of the fakes and wannabes. They are out there. They have been and will be forever. Not much we can do. You can talk a good game. But unless you act on it, it is just a fucking game. You want to play games with me? Sure, I will play. I love monopoly. If you want to play mind games with me, be ready to get your mind kicked. I do NOT lose at mind games.

My final thought is this. It is very easy to hide behind something and confess your thoughts and feelings. It is hard to look someone in the eyes and confess those same things. Nothing wrong with that. I use this blog to write about my experiences and my thoughts. After all, I just cant go out and strike up this sort of conversation with a stranger on the street. Maybe one stranger out of a hundred will listen to me. But a majority will look at me like I am 12 donuts short of a dozen.

Life is short. Have fun. And if you want to write/text or tell me over the phone your dirty and perverted thoughts, by all means do. I will even share some of my own.

Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

1 comment:

Skye said...

I am still not sure my feelings about cyber play. Written words have power for me, so sometimes I can really get into cyberplay. Sometimes, though, it just seems artificial and fake and I can't get into it at all.

Sometimes it is easier to express myself in the cyber world - I can see my words before I hit enter and mostly judge if they are what I mean or not. (Yes, I sometimes type a response several times before I hit enter, just so it's what I want to say. Then sometimes, my adhd kicks in and I type and hit enter without my impulse control kicking in. This can lead to trouble.) I can be more free because the other person can't see my blushing face or I don't have to look into their face when I say it.

Sometimes, though, without the facial expressions of the participants, it is hard to tell how they are taking what I say, so I get unsure. Sometimes I censor myself, knowing that I will be unable to tell their real reaction or if they understand what I am trying to say.

Emoticons help a lot to tell others what the attitude and reaction is, so I try to use them when I can and I try to be more expressive than I would be in r/l - to try to give others insight into my reaction and mood.