Monday, March 16, 2009


I have a friend I converse with who just doesn't seem to understand that you can have a scene and not include sex in some form or fashion. Now according to a former president of the United States, getting a blow job is not sex. I guess it is how you interpret sex. Me, it all is. I have scened many times and not received any form of sex during, before or after of said scene. That isn't saying I have not been in a sexual relationship with that submissive/bottom. Currently I have another friend, a mutual friend between myself and said friend who doesn't seem to comprehend this.

Some people look at this lifestyle as foreplay. Nothing wrong there. Myself included. Nothing gets my blood boiling more then a woman laid across my lap, pants & panties pulled down to her ankles, my left arm across her back holding her in place, my right leg over her legs, trapping them and my right hand swatting at a bare naked ass. My left hand available for the occasional hand that reaches back to block my next swat. Hearing the sobs, moans and the occasional sniffle. Admiring the welts from my hand. The stinging in my fingers. The redness, the heat emitting for her ass...... Oh What a thrill.

Many times I have witnessed, even sent a sub into subspace. I once asked someone the question, "Is there such a thing as Domspace?" The answer was yes there is. The feeling I gain in Domspace is euphoric. The calm that comes over me. The feeling of emptiness in my mind. The release of the negative energy within me. The high that comes from it. When I do achieve Domspace, it is better then having an orgasm. Don't get my wrong. I love getting a nut. But the feeling from Domspace is so much different. The few times I have reached it, I was in another world. I was conscious of my surroundings. But I was in a different state of mind prior to starting the scene.

It is good practice to have aftercare for your submissive/bottom. Aftercare ranges from attending to the welts, marks, breaks in the skin etc from a scene to holding a sub in your arms after a flogging or whipping. I know from my last experience of sending a sub into subspace, she went to sleep immediately afterwards. She told me she felt cold, I wrapped her in a blanket, gently kissed her on the forehead, stroked her hair as she drifted off to sleep. Sometimes you need to hold the sub in your arms. Gently rocking her. Kissing away the tears. Gently rubbing and caressing the bruises and welts. Whatever it is, after care is crucial to a scene and sub. But what about aftercare for a Dom?

Unless you have another sub/bottom/slave at your disposal, the Dom is usually left out on aftercare if your sub goes into subspace. Yea I know, sux doesn't it? Yes it does. Damn it, I want my aftercare. Ahhh but, now you see how sex isn't always required for a scene. I might not get a "nut" in the actual sense, but the release my mind and body gets from Domspace is better then the actual orgasm itself. It all is dependent on the scene and what takes place in this scene. Thinking back in all of my blog entries to date, I don't mention much sex. First, I am not going into the juicy XXX rated details. I will leave that to your imagination. Second, many of the times I have posted about, no sex took place. By choice, not because I am celibate. But because I already achieved my euphoric orgasm. If there is such a thing.

My final thought is this. It is possible to have a BDSM relationship without sex. It could be a prenegotiated thing or it is not required in the scene. Don't get me wrong. I love sex. I love getting blowjobs. I love "busting a nut". I love it all. But if a scene takes me to the right place, sex is not required. For me this lifestyle is as much, if not more mental then physical. I have always said I require mental stimulation more so then physical. That's me. You might be different. Great. Good for you. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, or even be on the same wagon as me.

Again, I value feedback from you. The more feedback I receive, the more frequent the posts. I would LOVE to live this lifestyle 24/7. But life happens to get in the way.

Such is life.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.


Vice Chix said...

Hi there. Very interesting post... i am a newbie submissive in the "consideration/training" phase of a BDSM relationship with a Master.

He also has been one of my oldest and dearest friends for the last 11 years... and only after much sacrifice and soul-searching have we come together.

On that note -- i am doing research regarding "dom space"... as on 2 occassions now... he and i have "scened" ... albeit lightly (as i am still learning)... and we both achieve that space at the same time....

Unfortunately, when i reach it... i blackout. Meaning i go into my mind ... very deeply... and i can't remember anything after i reach that euphoric high state.

Sir also reached this state after our last scene. is this normal for a Dominant? You both are so high with endorphins after a scene that you just blackout??? Not remember anything...? Is that what "going blind" means? Is attainment together a good thing?

Strictnstern4u said...

Yes it is very possible for both you and your Dom/Master to achieve Dom/sub space at the same time. I have never blacked out before. But I have had witnessed and experienced a submissive blacking out on me. Yes blacking out is the same as going blind. Seems you are on the right path.