Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Today is one of those days. The average woman (what is average about a woman?) is complex enough. A submissive is worse. I get the hormonal roller coaster rides. I get the unsettled mind. I even can handle the tempers of a woman. But what I don't understand is the actual anatomy of a woman. I am not talking the good parts such as the tits, ass and kitty/pussy/cunt/twat whatever you want to call it. I am talking the other parts like the uterus and ovaries. Why is this a part that woman will have to lose? Why did God design a woman that after time she has to have a hysterectomy and lose those working parts? Is it because of the constant pounding one can take from intercourse? Monthly periods from the time she reaches puberty? I don't get it. Guys jerk their cocks constantly from their first hardon. Even when it doesn't get hard anymore guys still pull on it, hoping that one day it will and they will feel young again. But when it does get to the point of not functioning anymore, we don't have it cut off. I just don't get it.

I am writing this post as therapy for myself. You see, today, my wife went for a routine gyno check up. She leaves the Dr's office upset because the Dr states she has to have a hysterectomy. Yes, she has been having female issues for sometime. But that still goes to as why does this shit happen. She has known for sometime that this day was coming. I have known this day was coming. Does that make it easier to accept? Hell no it doesn't. Usually I am the rock, the strong one. Today, no where close. I feel like I have been hit in the face with a bazillion million mack trucks. My body is numb. My head is floating. My heart feels like it is not beating anymore. I feel..... empty. I...... I don't know anymore.....

I have talked to several friends today and they know, they can tell I am depressed. I'm not upset. I am depressed. For some reason I can not dump on them the way I am dumping in this post. This is me. My biggest fault in life is I have a hard time opening up and venting. I just cant do it. But posting here, it flows from my fingers like water from a faucet.

Usually I have a final thought, but today I don't. Today, I just want the world to stop, reverse course and start over with a different outcome. I have lived through a lot in my time. Sudden passing of my step father and step sister. Death of my grandfather. Having to make the decision to take my mom off life support. Taking a couple of dogs to the vet for the last time. But none of that compares to the way I feel right now. I have had the emotional breakdowns. I have wanted to kill. I have wanted to die. But today..... today I want it erased completely from life. Tonight I will pray. I will pray for the strength to get through this. I will pray for the speedy recovery of my wife. I will pray for the understanding. But I will also pray that God erase this day from my memory.

Today...... is almost over.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.


Skye said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. If there is anything at all that I can do, let me know.

Skye said...

I hope you are feeling better about things. I have been struggling with how much to ask and how much to leave the topic alone. I don't know if you want to talk about it or not, but I am hear to listen if you want to talk about it or anything else. You don't have to be the strong one all the time, you can lean on others when you need to. It makes you more human and real.