Last night I was thinking about how to be effective and achieve the desired result when punishing someone in this lifestyle. A couple of weeks ago I met a new friend. She is very new to the lifestyle and I have been offering some advice and guidance to her. Steering her away from the trolls, the fakes and the abusers. During that time she has asked me several questions, advice and even asked if I would show her somethings. I am always willing to discuss this lifestyle with anyone. Especially the new ones who are just finding themselves but have too many questions and no answers. Some questions are as simple as, "What is a safe word?" to a little more complicated to "How do I know what I want in this lifestyle?"
One thing I have done my best to get her to understand is honesty and communication are the most important things. I truly believe a submissive should be able to openly communicate with their Dom/Domme. Without this communication, little things could be left out that could turn out to be huge issues if not discussed. I always impress on others that the only stupid question is the one you DON'T ask.
So, that brings me to this point. The other day I was texting with this new sub. She told me she was bored and was sending questions into an open posting forum on the internet. She always ask me first, "may I ask a question?" And I always respond in a positive way. "Sure" or "Ask" Well this day she tells me she has been on the forum and asked a question but was not liking the responses she was getting. I asked her what the question was and she refused to tell me. Long story short, I got upset and told her not to contact me for a couple of days. She is new and still shy in asking me questions. But don't bait me like that and then refuse to tell me.
So this brings me to the reason for this post. An effective way to administer punishment to get your point across. Many times I see a submissive act out in some way because they seek attention and "punishment" Instead of coming right out and asking for a flogging, a spanking or anything else they love and desire, they tend to act out in hopes they will get "in trouble" and achieve the result they seek. Well, in my eyes, and I think there are many of you who will agree, that this is not the way to get what you seek. Last time I checked, I am the Dominant. You will get what you want when I want to give it to you. The dog wags the tail, not the tail wagging the dog.
My most effective punishment is simply ignoring them. I am hearing a lot of teeth grinding and my monitor is filling with smoke. "I hate to be ignored!" Duh shit. That is why it is so effective. But it sure as hell gets my point across doesn't it? Being ignored once should convince you to not screw up again. Right? I thought so. Damn I love it when I am right. I know I blogged before about a different punishment with your back against the wall and 2 glasses of water. I am not saying ignoring you is my ONLY punishment I can and will use. I am saying this is the most effective. I feel the punishment should fit the crime.
Now there are times when I will and have simply whipped an ass to enforce my point but that really could not be a true punishment. For example, if you are given some basic rules to memorize and after being reminded of those rules because you "forgot" that rule, then you need re-enforcement on that or those rules.
My final thought is this. If you want/need a whipping, flogging, spanking, paddling etc, I would prefer you come to me and ask. Or better yet, beg. I love a beggar. Do not feel you should act out in hopes you will get that punishment. Again, communicate. For those of you who are keeping track of my rules. Rule #2 is communication. I use it and I expect it in return.
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.