Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Soft limits & education

The other day I wrote about hard limits. Today I am going to touch on soft limits. Soft limits are the ones set by either person involved for things that maybe they have not tried, are a little unsure about but think they want to try them. Or they have had a bad experience, and want to try again. Either way, a soft limit is defined as a "maybe". For instance, a sub I know had a soft limit for golden showers. She just didn't know if she could go through with allowing someone to piss on her, or even be present while the act was taking place. She and I discussed it at great length over a period of several months before she agreed to give it a try. We both researched it together since it was new to me as well and one weekend we decided to get a room so as to not mess our places up. I drank nothing but water for several days leading up to that night. Man, I didn't realize how bad a headache can be from lack of caffeine. But I was a trooper and made it through. That night, while playing around, I had her on her knees, a wooden pole behind her back, and through her elbows, her body tightly wrapped to that pole and a ball gag in her mouth, the look in her eyes told me she was ready for what was to come........

That night was a first for us both. Both breaking down a soft limit and removing from the list. Keep in mind, patience and research is a good thing. if you are ever unsure about something, ask someone. If no one is available to ask, research it. Check with your local BDSM group, books, or even google it. Do not ever go into something without checking it out. It could lead to harm and damage to you or your partner or both. Another piece of advice my grandfather gave me was, "The only stupid question is the one you don't ask." If you are afraid, shy or uneasy asking a question, how are you ever going to get that question asked? Just yesterday I had lunch with a bottom friend in the lifestyle and one area we discussed was how she is a research fiend and she is always researching this and that. And I asked her how she felt about groups and forums she participated in and their education. She replied that some were good with education and others were not. I feel an important thing that we can do in this lifestyle to help one another is educate each other and ourselves. How are we going to make ourselves better people without education? I just don't get it.

With that being said, I am going to finish this blog by saying you are only hurting yourself if you do not know what you are doing. Well and others to for that matter. Here is a question I will ask you, my readers. I would like your response. Is it considered abuse if you do not educate yourself and allow yourself to participate in an activity that you or your partner know nothing about?

I hope to see some intelligent responses.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

1 comment:

Skye said...

Not sure if it is abuse or idiocy. You need to know what you are doing and what to expect. You also need to know who you are playing with. There needs to be trust and mutual respect for the limits of the other person.