Thursday, January 15, 2009

Limits and respect

For the past couple of weeks I have been struggling to write. A few times I have come out here with a topic to write on, but just didn't feel the passion to write on that topic. Well, this morning while having a chat with a bottom that is close to me, she inspired me to write about limits and respect. She tells me she feels that she is being sanctimonious in telling others, both Doms/Tops and bottoms/submissives what her limits are. Let me give you a little background on this bottom. I met her may of 2008 via a local BDSM group. She was new on the scene and we instantly formed a friendship and bonded. She is probably the most moral person I will ever meet, both in and outside of this lifestyle. She has her limits and sticks to them. Limit numero uno, she will not bottom with a married person unless she receives consent from the spouse. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. I use that expression because she is that firm in her limit. She thinks that if she expresses her limits to others, that the will accuse her of being judgemental or condescending. I told her this morning that her limits are there for a reason. Her own personal reason. I think the ones who question and judge her on her limits are the ones who are judgemental. I also think that people who do not respect someones limits are being abusive in a way. Limits are there to protect others. What I am referring to in this entry are hard limits. Soft limits are a totally different subject which I might write about later in this entry or an entirely new entry. Right now I want to focus on hard limits.

I firmly believe that we all have one way or another have violated a hard limit..... I hear a collective gasp. Yes you and I both know we have done it. I have done it. I admit. I was young and inexperienced when I violated a hard limit. It has happened. Don't deny it. But that is the past. Soft limits are where you push those limits, trying to break down that barrier with a sub/bottom. Hard limits are NO, DON'T GO THERE. NOT INTERESTED. REDREDRED. If a sub/bottom defines a hard limit and you continue to push them to do it, in my mind, that is abuse. Mental abuse, but abuse is abuse.

I know there are people out there who are going to disagree with me on this. That's your right to disagree. That is your opinion. This is my opinion. If you want to engage me in an intelligent conversation about my opinion on anything, I welcome the conversation. If you want to sit back in your glass house, and cast stones at me, talk down to me about my thoughts and opinions, then simply move on. I do not have time for petty drama such as this. This is MY opinion. Take it our leave it. My life does not revolve around you. It revolves around me. There is always room for one more. Don't be closed/narrow minded. I see and experience that on a daily basis both in and outside this lifestyle.

Conversing with someone last night reminded me of the harsh reality of people like this. You say you are open minded about sexual preferences and lifestyles, yet you cut someone down because they choose to go a different path from what you believe..... Where does it end? No where. If it did end, then there would be no opinions voiced/shared/expressed. There would be no debates. No banter. No expression.

You are reading my blog because you choose to. If you don't agree, tough. I will not apologize for my thoughts and/or opinions. They are mine and only mine. If you are offended by me or my opinions, then simply click the "X" in the upper right corner and do not come back. You want to comment either in agreeing or disagreeing with my opinion and listen to my response, I will converse with you until the end of time.

My parting thought is this. We all are unique and different in our own way. it is what makes us individuals. I will respect you, but you must respect me in return. Thank you for taking the time to read this far.


I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.


elana said...

~ Sending Him a hug ~

Thank you Sir for sharing with us.

Skye said...

Everyone has different limits and either personal, religious, mental, emotional, or physical reasons for those limits. People need to get to know each other and the reasons before playing. They also need to see things from the other point of view before judging. Sometimes it is hard to state your limits with someone you know doesn't share them, but if you are going to play, you need to take care of yourself and make sure your limits are respected, or you are in for a lot of trouble.