Hello all.

Lately I have been trying to come up with a topic to blog about.  Unfortunately I am still unable to come up with anything.  I have been itching lately to blog.  So here I sit and not one damn thing comes to mind. 

Today I was on twitter and someone I follow stated they were going to hell and driving the bus.  She asked who wanted to hop on.  I stated I wasn’t allowed in hell, because they are afraid I will take over.  Well that is true.  I mean I am so screwed up in the head who would want me?  Ya know? 

Recently I took the Meyers Briggs test and I scored an ENFJ.  Here is a link to what it says about me.   What’s funny, even scary is, ITS ALL FUCKING TRUE!!!!  http://typelogic.com/enfj.html  I am compared to people such as Abraham Lincoln, Peyton Manning, Craig T Nelson and Sean Connery.  Yes, that Sean Connery, the sexiest man alive.  So FUCK YES, I am like the sexiest man alive.  At least on the inside. 

I just read back through some old post.  I laughed, even shed a few tears.  One thing is my mind is still cloudy, hence why it is hard for me to find a subject and write about it.  Could someone (preferably female with nice tig bitties and who smells good) come blow in my ear and just maybe blow this cloud out my other ear that has my mind so foggy.  I mean I can’t even focus to write something smart ass, or inspiring or even seductive.  HOLY SHIT!!!  Am I getting old and already losing mental capacity?  Quick, someone show me your tits.  NOT YOU FUCKTARD, I don’t want to see any man boobs.  WOMAN BOOBS!!!!

A few months ago I met someone from twitter.  She was strictly vanilla.  Well, not strictly, I mentioned tying her hands up and she did wink at me.  Well, I mentioned this blog and encouraged her to go read it.  HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE.  I make a stupid mistake by giving her the web address to it.  Well, obviously she didn’t appreciate my openness and honesty because she bolted to never speak again.  Well, she did return a text about a month later when I said hi and happy mom’s day.  Then I got the standard line of, “you scare me” and “sorry, not interested anymore, I am seeing someone”    I wonder if I have enough for that cruise around the world yet.

I suppose one thing that has stayed constant with me is who I am.  I am me.  I don’t try to make myself out to be someone I am not.  And to a fault, I am brutally honest.  I have turned a few people away with my honesty.  If you cannot handle it, the tough shit, you’re not for me.  Easy as that.  I might stretch the truth, maybe manipulate or twist things, but in the end I am honest about it.  I always seem to chuckle and laugh at the ones who cannot handle honesty, especially from me.  Sorry, run along fragile ego one who has always been lied to. 

I am going to stop here and post this.  Maybe even link it to twitter.  Thanks to everyone who still reads this blog, if there are any of you that still do.  Otherwise, I will continue to talk to the voices in my head.  I’m thinking of taking them on the road and hitting some comedy clubs.  Surely there is someone out there who will laugh at them besides me.

Me

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

My grandmother

The last 6 months of my life have been one giant downhill. Having a pet put to sleep, divorce, issues at work and now a death in the family. Yesterday I found out my grandmother passed away. While she was in her 80’s and her death was expected, it is still hard to deal with death. I know I have seen more than my fair share in life. My step father passed away when I was 12, a sister passed away when I was 16. My grandfather passed away a week after my first marriage. My mom passed away in ’04 and now my grandmother. Not to mention other friends through out my life. High school classmate passed during my senior year, 3 more the year after I graduated plus countless others throughout my life time.

Last night I went to bed thinking about my grandmother. I can remember being a youngin and hearing her fuss at my uncles about them picking on me. I remember her taking me to swim lessons when I was 5 years old. How she begged my mom to get me to take piano lessons (which now, I wish had taken those lessons. Nothing is as soothing or as moving as hearing a piano being played.) I remember spending my summers at my grandmothers. She would take me swimming at the apartments where she lived, she would sit on the edge of the pool with her legs in the water and when I was 5, I would hold onto her legs and she would bounce me up and down in the water.

One memory that stands out the most is when I was about 10 or 11; I was at her apartment’s one summer night playing hide and seek with other kids. I came running around a corner and this lady had a German Sheppard that came running at me and bit me a few times. I ran home and told my grandmother about it. She marched herself over to this ladies apartment that owned the dog and proceeded to just “lay” into her about the dog. At 4’9” tall, my grandmother sure was a firecracker.

Here is a funny story. Who remembers cabbage patch dolls? Who HAD a cabbage patch doll? LOL. Well the one year that were super popular, what 83 or 84, and they were scarce, my mom wanted to get my sister one so bad for Christmas. Back then there were no Wal-Mart’s that were open all night. In fact the only thing open all night was a Super X drugstore. Even the grocery store closed at midnight. So this particular night grandmother was out doing her shopping because they only had one car and my grandfather was a traveling insurance salesman, she went into Super X and they were stocking cabbage patch dolls on the shelves. I remember my mom answering the phone and basically screaming into the phone yes to get the doll. Hell get 2 of them. The next day I am over at my grandmothers and she isn’t feeling to well, so I ask what’s wrong. Well come to find out my SHORT grandmother couldn’t reach the top of the shelf so she tried to “climb” the display and fell off, topping all of these cabbage patch dolls on her. I don’t know what came of all that, but I do remember how my uncles made fun of her. I am sure this story will be told this weekend and many many laughs will be shared about this.

My grandmother was sneaky. My oldest uncle worked at a grocery store during high school and college. So often times he would come home with his own food and keep it hidden in his bed room. My uncle has a thing for Little Debbie snack cakes, particular Swiss Cake Rolls. So, when my uncle would be at work or at school, grandmother would sneak into his room and steal a Swiss Cake Roll. Well then I would want one, so she would steal another. This always pissed my uncle off. Hmm, in fact to this day maybe that’s why he has such anger issues. LOL.

Another funny story. One year for my grandmother’s birthday, mom, sister and I took her to Red Lobster. Grandmother LOVED Red Lobster so it was an annual thing for a long long time to take her there. Lets see, this particular story was probably late ‘90’s nothing unusual about this particular birthday. Grandmother stealing sips of mom’s vodka cranberries or a bite off someone’s plate to sample what the others got. However, when it we were done eating grandmother pulled out her oversized bag and proceeded to pull out empty yogurt cups with lids and proceeded to empty everyone’s plate. If I had a forkful of rice left, grandmother scooped it up. NOTHING went to waste with my grandmother. Not only was she frugal but a hoarder. She literally had hundreds of these yogurt cups at her house. HUNDREDS!!!! My sister and I laughed at her. And grandmother simply replied in her grandmotherly way, “All of these left over are will make a wonderful snack later.” She took the one remaining AND half eaten cheddar biscuit and even polished off the last two drops of the vodka cranberry. I asked grandmother if she wanted the sweetnlow and sugar from the table and she replied sure. I said hell, why not and tossed the mini corona bottles used as salt and pepper shakers into her bag too. When the waitress came to clean the table, all she would find is 4 empty classes and 4 clean plates. Grandmother didn’t waste anything. LOL In fact, to this day, I still have those salt and pepper shakers and I use them.

3 things I can thank my grandmother for. My love and affection of yogurt, fig Newton’s and no bake cookies. Last night, when I got home, my dinner consisted of 2 cups of yogurt, a banana and fig Newton’s. All in honor of my grandmother. This weekend at some point I plan on making home made no bake cookies.

There are so many stories I could tell about my grandmother. Most of them funny since she has and always will be the highlight of growing up. I could always turn to my grandmother for advice, or help in some way. She took me in when I was going through my first divorce and for 2 years I lived with her. She would cook and do laundry. I would grocery shop and take care of the house. Sometimes we butted heads when she found out I snuck a girl in the back door to spend the night or if I bought the wrong item at the store. But one thing was certain through out my 39 years of life. Grandmother was always there. And her infinite wisdom always won out over anything.

I haven’t seen my grandmother in a few years, but we spoke often on the phone. My only regret is not being there for her yesterday when she took her final breath and left this world. But I have comfort in my heart and soul knowing that she is now reunited not only with all her friends but her family as well in heaven. She is once again hand in hand with my grand father and reunited with her only daughter, my mother in heaven. The last time I spoke with my grandmother, back in January, I ended the phone call with the same words I have been saying to her ever since I was able to mutter these words and I will end this with those same words.

I love you grandmother.

Me

Are your friends being chosen for you?

So recently I have been very active on twitter. If you want to follow me, I am @Strictnstern4u. Make sure if you follow me to say hi and you read my blog. Anyhow, back to my thought after my shameless plug for twitter. Recently something has transpired that irks me to the core. Collared submissives that must get the blessing of their Dom to speak, or interact with another. Now, before you start giving me shit about this, I DO respect a collar and that relationship and in no way am I writing about it here now to trash someone’s collar.

If you are a submissive and you are collared to a Dom, great for you. I wish you 2 the best. What I want to talk about is the fact that he/she chooses who you can and can not converse or communicate with. If that’s the case, then are you still a submissive or are you now a slave since you are now giving up the right of who you can and can not communicate with? If that is the case, good for you, however, if it is not, then I think there is a serious underlying issue at hand.

One, is there something he is hiding? Besides you that is. To me it is a red flag being run of the ole flag pole when your friends are being chosen for you. In my opinion I feel he/she is hiding something from you. If there is complete trust, why should he be the one to pick and choose?

What brings this up is recently I gained a follower. I noticed it was a sub in the lifestyle, so I just did a common thing and went to follow this person back. Only that they have their account private and thus you must be approved to be a follower. Ok. No problem. One of two things came to mind immediately. Either they are trying to remain private and discrete and prevent someone from their vanilla world from finding them (totally different subject matter, I blogged about this before, just remember, if they come looking for the lifestyle and they find you, why fear of being outted? They will out themselves too. Just an observation.) Or, they are being told who you can and can not communicate with.

Another instance was discovered today. Someone whom I was following, had a few conversations with via twitter about bdsm related items and subjects is no longer following me AND has now blocked me. Why? I am not sure. Do I care? Yes and no. Yes I do, because she did express to me she was in a quandary. No, because obviously, and this is my opinion, their Dom feels threatened by me in some way. If this is the case, then grow a set and man up. Are you THAT fucking insecure in yourself that you feel threatened by a Dom via a social networking site? Really?!?

Again, I will put my disclaimer in here by stating this is MY BLOG and MY OPINION and no one is forcing you to read what I have to say. If you disagree, great, let’s discuss it more. I love open and friendly discussions. If you are offended, then tough shit, I aint here for you. If you have issue then simply click the little red X in the upper right corner of your screen. SEEYALATERBYE!!!!

Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter to me what you do, how you do it, why you do it, etc. But to me when something just doesn’t seem right, guess what, it usually isn’t right. One of the biggest issues I see is people not using common sense. If we all took a deep breath, stepped back and use some common sense, a lot of things will work themselves out.

Me

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

My pain

Its been some time since I last blogged. I have had a lot going on in my life and a lot of change. The first being I have separated from my wife and I am now going through a divorce. For the past couple of years my marriage to a vanilla woman had been going downhill. So when I moved out in December, it was on decent terms with her. Just over time we have grown apart and our lives are heading in different directions. In the long term, this will be good for me. It will allow me to get back to who I truly am. I will be able to “rediscover” myself.

For the past couple of months I have been fighting depression in a major way. Many nights I have sat in my apartment and stared at the wall. Other nights, I stare at an end. I have blogged before about suicide and how I have lost 2 friends to it. Last month I lost another friend to suicide. Losing him made me realize why he did not help me when I reached out to him. I have reached out to a few others seeking some help for me emotionally, but I have not received anything back in the form of help.

Yet here I am today blogging about the past few months and where I have been. No matter how upset, or how much thought I have put into an end, I still cant do it. What keeps me from doing it I don’t know. I have no one to live for. No children. Only family I have is a sister, and that communication is few and far between. All of my “friends” choose her side. All I have is the comfort of myself. And many nights, there is not comfort in that. People at work ask me how my evening or weekend was and I lie to them. I haven’t even told them that I have separated from my wife. In fact I have only told a handful of people I interact with daily. Hell, just the other day I stoped in at a local eatery to grab a bite to eat and when one of the people I know there asked how my wife was, I responded with, I don’t know, we are separated.

Am I sorry for the failure of my marriage? Of course. Is it my fault? To a point yes, but she is at fault too. I am not going to assign blame or point the finger. I accept blame just as much as she does. In the end, this will be for the best. Such is life. Pick up and move on. In the meantime, I have to learn to keep myself together. I have to be strong for myself, because I have no one to lean on for strength.

I have never been one to look at and into my future. I am not one to daydream of how I want things to be in my life. I do take into consideration how my actions of today will affect my tomorrow. In the past I have always felt certain that tomorrow will come in whatever capacity it might be. However, over the past year or so, I wonder if I will be around for my next birthday, or the next Christmas or even the next changing of the seasons. Now that I have typed that out, I have realized maybe that is why I am having a hard time expressing myself in my blog. My mind is so cloudy, I can not put together a complete thought. Just this posting I have had to go back and reread many times what I have typed to help me regain my train of thought. And even then I have to reread several times.

Today, the day after Valentines Day, I feel better about myself. I actually sat at home last night wondering if I would see today. Its hard for me to say this even now, but I have contemplated taking my own life. I admit it. I have even thought of how I would want to do it. But as I think that, my mind wonders to my friends who have taken their own lives and then I wonder who will miss me. Who will wonder what they could have done to prevent me from doing this. And I come to the same conclusion. If the day comes that I do take my own life, I will do it in a manner that I will never be found. It will be done in a way that only I will know. I want to disappear from everyone in the world because the last thing I want is for people to think and wonder, “What could I have done differently?” And all I can think back to is, don’t give them a reason to think that. Just disappear back into the earth never to be seen again by a human being that knows me.

I am going to post this blog. And I am sure those that read it will have something to say. Some will say it to me, some want. Either way, thank you for reading this. I am not going to edit, nor spell check this, I can not bring myself to reread this again. This is my therapy, writing about it and sharing in my blog.

Me

I will inflict pain on myself and I will wipe away my own tears.

Can I manipulate you?!?

Driving to work this morning, I was doing some thinking. By a show of hands, those of you reading this, who likes to receive a bare handed spanking? Nice. Ok, put your hands down. Now, raise your hand if you like to administer bare handed spankings. I am with you there. Ok, now, by a show of hands who likes to receive a good paddling? OH YEAH!!!! Ok, by a show of hands, who thinks I am now manipulating you to raise your hand? Damn skippy. You are submitting to me through my words. Oh, don’t sit there and say, “Nope, not me. You’re not making me doing anything.” Yea ok. Sure. Right. If you say so. Oh and do me a favor. Stop rolling your eyes at me. Yes you. You too.

I was thinking oh how easy people can be manipulated. I admit, I am easily manipulated, when I am blindsided by it. Think about this. When you go to the store, and you’re standing in line waiting to check out and you hear “I can take you over here.” Or “My lane is open.” Or what about when you sit down at a restaurant and the server suggests a drink of choice. Or when you attend a meeting or reading someone’s blog and they are asking you questions and ask for you to raise your hand to show agreement. See, manipulated. It’s ok to admit it. I will keep it my little secret. Store it away in the vault inside my mind. However, I do reserve the right to use it against you at a later date. What? Not fair? Honey, the last time I checked life isn’t fair. Besides, you and I both know, if I am going to use something against you, it is going to be mutually beneficial to us both. Right? See, manipulated you again. It’s all about perception babe. Ok, maybe it is not manipulation per se when you are asked a question and you answer. But when you are asked a question and steered towards a certain answer, then yes, you are being manipulated.

I used to know a sub lady who I met through the internet. Our relationship was purely internet based. We met in a chat room, struck up conversations and developed a good friendship. Oh, and she is submissive. So, after a while we exchanged phone numbers and started calling one another on the phone quite frequently. She would tell me about her man/Dom problems. I would tell her about my girl/sub problems. We would discuss current affairs, the weather. Whether wood or leather made a better paddle etc. One thing she always told me was I had a great phone voice. I knew this from being in high school and a lot of the girls swooning over me because of my deep baritone voice. She told me that Barry White was a soprano compared to me. Would any of you ladies like to find out yourself? WEG!!!!

One night we were on the internet chatting away and flirting with one another and before I knew it, we were on the phone partaking in some phone sex. Some good phone sex I might add. So here I am telling her things I would do to her, telling her a little story and she is moaning to me on the phone. And me being the mean bastard I am, I ordered her to stop rubbing her clit, which she claims she did. As she was calming down, instructed her to rub some more. Having her stop and start many more times, this went on for about 30 minutes or so. I asked her if she ever had her clit spanked and she moaned into the phone that she loved it. Deepening my voice into a growl, I told her to spank it three times. A soft moan escaped her lips and I then told her I was not happy with those. Then I told her to spank it like I would spank it. The next thing I hear is 3 hard skin on skin slaps, and then a woman moaning and cumming into the phone. Did she really slap her clit? Well, I would think yes. Only she could tell you. But listening to her and her reaction, I truly don’t think she did NOT do it.

Manipulation is a strong and powerful thing. We all do it to some point. Subconsciously we all are manipulating and being manipulated. Yes even a Dom like me gets manipulated. It happens. It is a fact of life. Sometimes it is personal, sometimes it is professional. But it does happen. I am not telling you this so you can strengthen you wall and prevent yourself from being manipulated. I am simply opening your eyes and trying to get you to have a better understanding.

I might say things, or do things for personal satisfaction. Maybe manipulate someone into getting an answer I want or need to hear, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. It just makes me a better manipulator than you.

Seriously though, all joking aside, I truly believe it is part of our psyche to want some aspect of control in our life. Manipulation is how it happens. Maybe it is the server asking you if you want coffee, tea or her. Maybe it is a Dom who wants an ego boost or a submissive who manipulates a Dom into getting a spanking. Whatever it is, manipulation is part of us. Don’t deny it. Accept it, harness its power, and use it to your advantage. Just be careful who you try to manipulate, because they might manipulate you in return for themselves.

Thanks for allowing me to manipulate your eyes and your mind while reading my blog. I know I enjoyed it. I hope it was good for you too.

Me

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

Tucker

I am writing this with a lot of pain in my heart and soul. Yesterday I did a terrible thing that 36 hours later I am still in pain. Even have some regrets. Morally I don’t think I should have done it. Morally I NEEDED to do it. There comes a time in life when you have to do what is best for someone else. Again, morally it is wrong but morally it is right.

I am talking about have a pet put down because their health is not good. Yesterday morning about 5am I woke to the sound of my dog shaking after waking. Usually the second or third thing I do after I wake up is walk to the bathroom and take a leak. So naturally, like father like son, my dog followed the same habit. Usually he would wake, stretch out his body, shake and then take a leak. So, by the time I hear the shake, I have just a few seconds to get to him and guide him outside to go “pottie”

Tucker boy as I called him was a rescue dog. About 5 years ago a lady brought him to my house to determine if I would be a fit father to have a dog. She checked out the house, made sure there were no little kids around, noticed I had a back yard that was fenced in and chatted with me to make sure I was not some satan worshiper who would sacrifice the dog for a chance at a blonde blue eyed virgin. Satisfied all was well with my house, I wrote a check to her rescue for Tucker and this Tucker became a part of me. His first night in my home was spent doing some whimpering and whining, a lot of walk around to check the place out and a lot of trips outside to train him to piss there instead of on the carpet inside.

The next 4 years were great. A lot of laughter, anger and even car rides, sometimes just around the block for the hell of it. Some of the best times with Tucker were spent throwing a ball and watching him chase it down, bring it back to me and fighting me for it. Then tossing it again and repeating. Tucker didn’t care for toys that squeaked or jingled. Hell, I bought him raw hide bones and toys he wouldn’t even touch. One night I was playing with him, held the ball in my hand, made a fist and put my fist on the floor. Next thing I knew, tucker was lying on his belly and then rolling over. Laughing at it, I held the ball in the air and he started jumping for it. Then I put my fist back on the floor, Tucker immediately went to his belly and then rolled over. Whoever had Tucker before me had taught him a trick. Working with him, he knew how to sit, how to beg, even play dead. He was such a wonderful dog. I taught him my favorite trick and that was having him sit, then holding his snout in place, commanding him to stay. I would take a treat and put it on his snout, again commanding him to stay. I would move my hand and while he stared at the treat, he would not move a muscle. Then on cue, I would say get it and he would instantly jerk his head to the side and catch the treat before it hit the floor. Damn I loved playing with him.

About 18 months ago, I noticed that when tucker would go to his food or water bowl to drink, his back legs would shake. The vet later said that Tucker was getting old and he had arthritis. Not much to do. So I put him on the old fart dog food, you know, the food for seniors, in hopes it would help with his joint pain. The next thing to go with Tucker was his eye sight. The vet now tells me he had cataracts so bad in his eyes, he was practically blind. Many times Tucker would walk himself into a corner, bump into walls or chairs or whatever was in the way. Tossing the ball was not a thing of the past with him because he did not know when I threw it.

This is hard for me to type. I am sitting here wiping the tears from my eyes remembering the good and bad times with him. The pictures I took of him while he slept with his tongue hanging out, or laying half way out of his bed while he slept. There were times I would gently nudge him back into his bed and he would groan slightly and continue his snoring. Now I look at is empty bed right here beside my recliner and ask God to forgive me for having him put to sleep.

I had to do it. His quality of life was nil. In the past few months, Tucker wouldn’t even get out of bed, or even sit up before he would pee all over himself. Yesterday morning at 5am, hearing him shake and his collar jingle, I sprung from bed and rushed into the living room to help him outside. Instead what I found was Tucker lying in the kitchen on the tile floor. Lying in his own feces. He didn’t even have the strength to get up and do his business. Instead, with his head in his water bowl and his body covered in feces, his tongue was searching in his empty water bowl for a few drops of moisture. I knew at that point his quality of life was very poor. I picked him up in my arms and took him to the bathtub to give him one final bath. To bath him one final time. I made sure he was clean from head to toe. Bathed him twice just to be sure. Picking up in my towel, I brought him into the living room and proceeded to dry him off from his bath. Taking his brush, combing his bear and and fur, I cried because I knew that this would be my final hours with him.

At 7:45 I gently picked him up, walked out of the house to my car and gently laid him in the front seat. Making the drive to the vet, I gently stroked him on his head and down his back. His blind eyes looking in my direction, he knew where we were going. His eyes pleaded with me to not do it. To let him die at home and in peace. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t allow myself to watch and let him suffer like that. Leaving him in the car, I walked into the vet office and the lady behind the counter knew why I was there the instant she saw me without Tucker. Without saying a word she handed me a consent form and asked me if I wanted to stay with him. All I could do was shake my head. I couldn’t do it. I went back to the car, picked Tucker up in my arms for the last time and walked back inside. Cradling him in my arms, I rubbed his chest and belly one final time before she took him from me. Before she walked away, I kissed him one final time on his dry nose, removed his collar and watched her walk away with my little buddy.

As the door closed, I imagined him closing his eyes and taking one final deep breath knowing what was to come. As I the door clicked shut, I spoke out loud to Tucker one final time telling him I loved him and asking him to forgive me.

I miss you Tucker. I love you Tucker. I hope you have forgiven me little buddy. I pick up his collar one final time as I close this out, give it a jingle and call out, “Tucker bud, let’s go outside.”

Ramblings

So here I sit reading my own blog hoping for some inspiration to write and I just can not find it. Lately I have been driving down the road or someplace where I do not have access to a computer or a note pad and a subject will enter my head that would make a good blog post. But I end up forgetting. I am too young to be forgetting things. Maybe it is all those hits to the head when I played football.

I was reading about concussions a few years ago and one of the symptoms of a concussion is blurry vision and a head ache. So, when I visited the doctor for a check up, I was asking him questions about it. He confirmed that is true, then started asking me questions if I had a concussion, taken a blow to the head etc. I said sure, when I was in high school. LOL. I told him, that I played my entire football career with a concussion if headaches and blurry vision is a symptom of it. I always had a concussion. Maybe that explains my forgetfulness. Now, don’t think you can try to pull something over on me and when I say I don’t remember, you are not allowed to say it must be your concussion and forgetfulness. Not going to work.

Last night I was working out and I was talking to my sadistic trainer. I told him last night I thought he was a sadist and all he could do was laugh. Now I wonder if he is in the lifestyle because he never really commented anymore about it. Then again, because he didn’t comment, maybe he is NOT. As a matter of fact, there is a good excuse why I haven’t blogged much lately. My arms are too sore and tired from working out. Yea. YEA!!! That’s it. That’s the excuse. LOL. Last night while working out, there was a young female working out with another trainer that kept catching my eye. She had one of those asses that you could bounce a bowling ball off of. Nice, round, firm and plush. YUM YUM!!! Guess where my mind was? Yes, that’s right. My mind was in my head. You win a treat. Good job.

I ran into a friend from the lifestyle a couple of weeks ago at the store. We chatted about life in and out of the bedroom. Conversation drifted to scenes and paddlings. She told me her hubby was making paddles out of metal. Me being the freak that I am asked for a couple. I am waiting on my order to be filled. A nice metal paddle. I can not wait to use one on a sub.

Not too long, but very short. Just some ramblings in my head today to appease those of you who are thinking “I haven’t seen a post from him in a while.” Well, here ya go. Enjoy. And yes I am talking about you. Yes you, the one chuckling and thinking he must be talking about someone else. I am talking to you. Yes you. I love getting into peoples heads and making them smile for no reason what so ever. Only think I love more, is getting in their head and watching the cringe and curse themselves for letting me into their heads.

I am going to be a rebel today and not proof read nor spell check. Damn, I am such a wild hellion. LOL

Me

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.