Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Why is it so hard for people to accept my generosity, my sincerity and my honesty? I tend to do for others before doing for me. I am very sincere when I tell you that I wish you the best, or good luck, or I am here for you. And my honesty, although brutal at times, is just that. Honest. I tend to not sugar coat things. I call it like I see it. Take it or leave it.

I know, doing for others is perceived as not that great of a quality for a mainstream Dominant. Dominants are supposed to take take take take. And not give give give. Well, let me share something with you. Whether you are Dominant or submissive, is requires give AND take. Take AND give. Equal amounts of it. It’s just that when you don’t have a submissive of your own, it is hard to take. Know what I mean? I know how to be a great friend. I know how to keep my mouth shut and listen. I even know how to leave the lines in the carpet after vacuuming and I know to put the toilet seat down. But don’t even think for one minute, my generosity, or my sincerity is fake or a fa├žade that is being put up because I have an ulterior motive.

It is very unfortunate for Dominants and men like me to get ahead anymore because of all the fakes and wannabes out there. The ones who do have an agenda or an ulterior motive to get into your pants, or beat you, or abuse you have ruined it for the good ones like my self. I have to work that much harder at opening doors and softening walls that submissives have put up or locked because of idiots that have come before me and left behind scars on them. Instead of taking the time to get to know someone, laugh with them and learn about what makes that person unique from everyone else, we spend time knocking on doors, asking to come in. Or spend time staring at that tall wall that has been built and shaking our head truly asking ourselves, “Is it worth it trying to get to know this person when it is an uphill battle just to say hi, how are you?”

Same goes for submissives trying to get to know a Dominant. Dominants have been battered and bruised by players or wannabes. People will say and do just about anything to get what they want. I admit I have in the past. But once the smoke has cleared, I realized that what I did was wrong and should have gone about it a different way. I have learned that patience is a virtue and I exercise that. Those of you that read this blog and know me personally can agree with me. I amaze myself sometimes at how patient I have become. I have learned from my mistakes, grown from them and have made myself stronger.

I also admit I have walls up. But they are walls to protect myself. Not walls to hide me and who I am. Its ok to have walls and doors. It is ok to keep those doors shut, maybe even locked. It is ok to have walls. Even acceptable to reinforce those walls when under attack. But leave yourself some peepholes so you can peek out and actually see who is there. Because if you don’t, that person will eventually give up and move on.

Me

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

1 comment:

beingaisha said...

You're so right.

This post reminds me a little bit of a quote from James Baldwin. He says:

“Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
― James Baldwin

And now that I understand why you were taking yourself out of my circle, I can see what you were thinking, and my feelings aren't hurt anymore.

Smiling,

aisha