Thursday, May 14, 2009

When a submissive has had enough.

So the past few weeks have been extremely busy at work and at home and I really haven't had a chance to post about something in the lifestyle. So I will give it a whirl today and see if I can energize you.

I have been asked before, "How do you know when a submissive has had enough in a scene?" Well, there are many variables to consider when scening with someone. Body language never lies. Let me give you an example or two. If I have a submissive over my knee and I am giving her a bare handed spanking, I will vary the areas I spank. Trying to avoid the same area with consecutive swats. I always feel for body tensing, relaxing, jerking etc. If the submissive is clenching their ass cheeks together, that is a good sign. Means they can still feel it. They are expecting a swat. Check the heat radiating from their skin every so often. The hotter it is, the more then skin is stinging. If the skin is cold, there is no blood circulation. And I am not talking about it being cold because they have been sitting on ice or the room is cold. Gently touch the skin. I am constantly checking for welts. Looking for broken skin. If I see a welt that is purple, then I will avoid it. There is blood under the skin. If a sub can take it until I am welted her entire ass, I will then stop. No use in causing more harm. And yes I have ended a scene or two because of that. Watch and feel the body language. If your sub is gagged, they can not use a safe word. If the body goes limp, typically they have zoned out or gone into subspace. Listen for sobs. Listen for the sniffles.

If I have a sub bound to a cross, or whipping bench or some other object, I will check the sub more often then when they are across my knee. I am unable to feel the twitches in their body or skin. Seeing is always believing. Watching their reaction is always a good sign of more or not. But sometimes, you have to physically touch them. Maybe whisper into their ear. If using a flogger, make sure to not wrap the flogger and hit some place you shouldn't like their face or eyes. Avoid the kidney area if possible. A swat here and there is fine. but don't concentrate on that all the time. If all else fails use common sense.

Of course all of this is dependent on the prenegotiation between me and the sub. Sometimes it is a quick spanking lasting 20-30 mins or an intense flogging that leaves me dripping in sweat. Only once have I had a sub truly safe word out. I have had a few that have used a safe word after the 3 or 4th swat. Those don't count. I'm not bragging saying I am the best because I know there are others out there who will disagree with me. My point is, I am constantly analyzing the scene, the submissive, myself and everything else around me. If I am in a public setting carrying out a scene, do NOT disturb me unless you are stopping me. I need concentration on what I am doing and who I am doing it with. interrupting me to comment or compliment on something can wait until I am finished. Most often if you interrupt me or someone else in a scene without provocation, you will get a dirty look either from the Dom or sub, if not both. If you are watching me carry out a scene and you are not involved, then be quiet and be still.

These are just a few things I am always looking for. If you are exercising common sense, then things should be ok. If you are acting in a wreckless manner, someone could and will get hurt.

My final thought is this. Always be aware of whats going on. Don't just step up and swat swat swat away for the hell of it. know what you are doing or what you are taking, Know what your limits are. Know what the other parties limits are. If you don't know how to pick up on body language, then be patient. Take your time and observe. Don't be abusive. If you are unsure, then speak up. Ask for advice or help. The only stupid question is the one you DON'T ask.

I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.

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