As I reflect back on the past 12 months, there has been a lot of change in my life. For the first time in a long time, I had a great year. I did have some downs, but the ups FAR out weigh the downs. To compare my ups, if there were a BCS poll for my year, I would rank it in the top five of all time. A year ago, I celebrated my 40th birthday. My best friends took me to a great restaurant followed by my first trip to a casino. 4 pitchers of mojitos, down 100 dollars at the casino, the night ended with a bang and a damn good celebration.
I reflected on the first 40 years of my life and although it seems as if it has flown by, I still thought to myself that I have accomplished, experienced and enjoyed the first 40 years of my life. I sure hope that I have 40 more in me, and that the next 40 years are filled with fun, joy, pleasure, pain, heart ache, triumph, victory, laughter, tears, etc as much , if not more than the first 40. I am still young, and still have many things left that I want to experience.
They say the way you spend your new years eve is what your year will be like. Well, I spent time with friends partying it up on new years, so what have I been doing this whole year? Yep, you guessed it, having a good ole time, hanging with friends, taking trips, exploring and having a grand ole time. There really hasn’t been much of a dull moment this past year. To say I have had fun is an under statement since I have had a great time.
I took a trip to California this past May to visit some new friends. The first cross country trip by myself since high school. Although, when I went cross country in high school, I was still visiting family. This time though, it was to meet some new friends, new in a sense that I had never met them before. In the coming weeks I will blog about that trip. Even though that trip was 6 months ago, I still remember it like it was last week. That is how much fun I did have.
In June I started dating a beautiful lady (yes, she knows about my alternative lifestyle, reads my blog AND follows me on twitter) and to say the least, she does make me smile, feel good and has put some pep in my step, not to mention inflate my already over inflated ego. Damn, did you feel that? I think the earth just shifted from everyone rolling their eyes at the same time at me and my ego. HA, get over it. It is MY ego and NOT yours. I do love her and everything she is, not to mention she calls me Daddy. SCHWING!!!!!!!
This past year has started a new chapter in my life. Last year, at midnight of my 40th birthday, I took 8 shots of bourbon. One for my birthday, 6 for the past 6 years of a marriage that ended up failing and one final one for my future. I drank to the present, the past and my future. A future that is uncertain, but looks good so far.
In closing, life is what YOU make of it. Do you want to sit around, sulk, feel sorry for yourself? Then by all means, you go ahead and do that. Or do you want to get up, do what YOU want and enjoy what life has to offer? Then lets go, I am driving and we are going to enjoy ourselves and experience what ever is out there for us. I know that’s what I am going to do.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Suicide
Back in December my life took a sever downward spiral. So sever that I did make an attempt to end it by my own hands. I've always said I've never been afraid of death. And that day I was not afraid to go through with what I felt I needed, no, wanted to do. (Wow this is hard). There are something's that... I can't even put it into words. I just can't.
A year ago this last January I lost a friend to suicide. He just went through a nasty divorce and I thought he was on a better path in life. His kids still loved him. His company was thriving. Even met a wonderful woman who I thought was worlds better than his previous wife. I saw him before Christmas and the world was his to conquer. I know because he told me so. He and I made plans to play golf that coming spring and even started talking about taking a week and playing golf in Alabama on the Bobby Jones trail.
Christmas comes and I see his oldest posting pictures in Facebook of his new mustang that dad bought him for Xmas. His 3 daughters received matching charm bracelets. For New Years he took his kids and new girlfriend to Hawaii and rang in the new year on the beach.
I was driving back to my office from lunch a couple of weeks later when I was sitting at a red light and thought I'd jump on twitter. I saw a hash tag that said prayfor.... When I clicked on it to check it out I started seeing all of these "thinking of you" and "praying for you" comments. I immediately started texting a couple of people and the immediate response I got was my friend who was just recently happy and doing good had decided to end his own life. I really don't remember much more of that day and even reliving this, I feel that same numb and light headed feeling coming over me.
I went to the funeral and it was difficult to say the least. Seeing his kids I did my best to keep it together. Looking at his son who I had coached when he was younger in baseball and football I had all these emotions come flooding back into me and my soul that for so long I had done my best to keep locked and hidden away. I could see these same emotions in him. I went straight to him, fuck standing in a line for my turn. I went straight to him and hugged him as hard as I could. He hugged me back just as hard and began to flood my shirt with his tears. His oldest sister came to me and hugged me at the waist while I was doing my best to keep from losing it. When I opened my eyes most of the people had their eyes on us with enough tears to float a navy.
I spent that following weekend with his son. He and I tossing a baseball and chatting about his dad. The question that was asked the most was "Why?" I had no answers. All I had was don't think about the why. Remember the good times you had. The fishing trips. The golf outings. The vacations and burning the clutch up in the car learning how to drive. I remember taking my buddy to pick his car up at the dealership after it was repaired and laughing at how much the repair bill was. I even commented, I wish I could laugh at spending that kind of money at fixing something. That weekend was one of healing for us both. And I know his son came away a stronger and more compassionate young man.
Come December, he was one of the memories that flashed through my mind when I was staring at what I thought was going to be the end of my life. I wonder if he stepped in and helped out a stop to it. When I think back to that day he ended his life I wonder if he had the same thoughts as me. Not thoughts of am I sure I want to go through with this or who will find me etc. but the thoughts of why has my life come to this?
I spent several weeks in rehab. And daily visits from a shrink. One thing that he kept asking me is will I try to harm myself again? I finally came to the conclusion that my answer didn't really matter to him. He wanted me to think back to what I tried to do and promise myself to no relive that pain and hurt and come away with a sense that my life does matter and that life does in fact move on. At some point you have to shit or get off the pot sort of speak.
So I stopped wallowing on self pity. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and playing the whoa is me bullshit. And I decided that I am going to live life for me. I'm not really a mean or a bad person, but mark my words. Any fucker that tries to come between me and the life ahead of me in an attempt to hold me down and prevent me from doing what I want to do is going to get chewed up. I won't spit them back out because there will not be anything left of them when I'm done. Don't believe me? Try me. I will NOT be held responsible for what happens.
Bottom line is this. Life will move on. With or with out you is your choice. Then, I didn't care. Now, I'm going to own my life and make life MY BITCH!!!
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
New post
I haven’t blogged in sometime, and recently I have wanted to, but I have either been a little busy with work, or when the time comes, I just stare at a blank page with no thoughts in my mind. So much has transpired since I last wrote on my blog that I wouldn’t know where to begin to tell you about any of it. Hopefully this will be the first of many posts to come in the future, and at various times and through other posts, I can let you know what is going on and what has happened in my life.
Probably the most significant change in my life is the divorce I went through. My divorce was final at the end of October in 2012. I closed out that chapter in my life by celebrating my 40th birthday with 4 of my closest (only) friends. That weekend was filled with laughter, tears, good times and some heart ache. That weekend I took sometime to reflect back on all that I have done in my first 40 years. While life seems to move at a fast pace leaving us to wonder many times “where has time gone?”, I also realized that I have done, fulfilled and lived quite a bit. But I also know that I have so much more in life that I want to see, do and accomplish. So, I hope I have at least another 30 years in me, because I plan on using every moment I have to the fullest extent to complete my life.
With that said I am going to end my first post in sometime. I have a thought on the next one and I'm going to start gathering my thoughts. It's going to be hard writing that one. Maybe the hardest I've written.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Honesty & Reality
So here I am, with a blank writing canvas to once again try and come up with something to blog about. I have so many thoughts in my head that I just can not get them out and on paper. The words are so jumbled, and so scattered. I can see them when I close my eyes. This past weekend, I was having a conversation with someone. I could see in their eyes that she had so many questions to ask. Finally I told her to close her eyes, and to reach out with her hand into that swirling bowl of questions and grab one. Pull it back to herself and read it to me from the palm of her hand. That seemed to work for her because the next hour or so was a question and answer session.
So, here I am, eyes closed and reaching out with my hand to grab one of those topics swirling around my blog bowl. And what have I come up with? Absolutely nothing. FUCK!!!!
Well, I lied, I did come up with something. LOL. Let’s talk about reality and honesty. Shall we?
Honesty is something we all say we appreciate, respect, expect, deserve and give. But how many of us really are honest? Honest not just with others, but also with ourselves? One thing I have come to realize over the past few years with myself is that not only am I going to be honest, brutally at times, but I am also a realist. How much more honest can you be that looking at reality and what is in front of you? I say that because over the last few weeks have been on a lot of dates. Some of them were vanilla dates, some of them have been kink dates. And the one thing that STILL amazes me is how people can not handle honesty. If I do not feel a connection from you in the first 5 minutes, I very seriously doubt I will feel one ever with you. I have had one occasion in my entire life, which was a few weeks ago, where after I met this young lady, before we ever went in to the restaurant, I looked at here and said, “I just don’t feel anything and I get the impression you’re not interested either. So why waste time sitting through a dinner where we both will be uncomfortable and just go ahead and go our separate ways now?” The next thing out of her mouth was berating me for being rude and selfish. I was like really? Reality told us that there was no attraction there. Honesty got me cursed. I just love honesty. I told her to pull her big girl panties up and move on to the next guy.
I am not the best looking guy out there, nor am I the worse looking guy out there. But the realist in me tells me who I have a chance with and who I don’t. You know what I am talking about. See a good looking guy or gal, and I mean GOOD LOOKING!!! How many of you say, “Yea, I don’t have a chance?” Many of you do. OKOK, I hear some of you saying, not me, I have a chance. LOVE your confidence. Go for it. Can I get a date with the hot women who are saying this? Yea, that’s what I thought. LOL.
Reality and honesty are one in the same. But they are also different. I try not to confuse the two, nor do I always mix the two. But many times they are the same and mix together quite well.
Just the other day, I had met a vanilla chic, one who I later discovered was very freaky and kinky. We seemed to click and hit it off ok. Turns out she works for a friend of mine. She asked her boss about me, her boss gave me a glowing report, even called me a saint. No seriously, she did call me a saint. Damn do I have her fooled. I mean, me a saint? Not hardly. But that’s another topic I will get to some day. Anyhow, for her birthday, I took her to breakfast and to a movie. NO she did not spend the night before breakfast. Anyhow, we spent the afternoon together, chatted a lot, laughed more and even played around. Nothing serious, in fact we both kept our clothes on. She was telling me about some things that were bothering her and me being the honest one, I gave her my HONEST opinion. Naturally she agreed with most, disagreed with some and even thanked me for being honest. She said more people should be like me and there should be less people who tell you what you want to hear. At the end of the day, my honesty also told her that while I was interested in her, there were personal things in her life that were causing me to keep her at arms length and would continue to do so until they were corrected. Because in reality, I do not deal with bull shit and drama too well. And that honesty even cost me a friendship and got me another negative response. WHAT THE FUCK is it with people who say they want honesty, but lash out at you when you give it to them? Make up your fucking mind people.
In closing, I will say this. I have told lies in the past. I am sure there will be lies in the future. I do not want to lie. I will always do my damndest to be honest. After all, reality tells us that lies will make a problem for you in the future, but honesty will make that problem a thing of the past. Stay honest, be real and above all else, be yourself.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
So, here I am, eyes closed and reaching out with my hand to grab one of those topics swirling around my blog bowl. And what have I come up with? Absolutely nothing. FUCK!!!!
Well, I lied, I did come up with something. LOL. Let’s talk about reality and honesty. Shall we?
Honesty is something we all say we appreciate, respect, expect, deserve and give. But how many of us really are honest? Honest not just with others, but also with ourselves? One thing I have come to realize over the past few years with myself is that not only am I going to be honest, brutally at times, but I am also a realist. How much more honest can you be that looking at reality and what is in front of you? I say that because over the last few weeks have been on a lot of dates. Some of them were vanilla dates, some of them have been kink dates. And the one thing that STILL amazes me is how people can not handle honesty. If I do not feel a connection from you in the first 5 minutes, I very seriously doubt I will feel one ever with you. I have had one occasion in my entire life, which was a few weeks ago, where after I met this young lady, before we ever went in to the restaurant, I looked at here and said, “I just don’t feel anything and I get the impression you’re not interested either. So why waste time sitting through a dinner where we both will be uncomfortable and just go ahead and go our separate ways now?” The next thing out of her mouth was berating me for being rude and selfish. I was like really? Reality told us that there was no attraction there. Honesty got me cursed. I just love honesty. I told her to pull her big girl panties up and move on to the next guy.
I am not the best looking guy out there, nor am I the worse looking guy out there. But the realist in me tells me who I have a chance with and who I don’t. You know what I am talking about. See a good looking guy or gal, and I mean GOOD LOOKING!!! How many of you say, “Yea, I don’t have a chance?” Many of you do. OKOK, I hear some of you saying, not me, I have a chance. LOVE your confidence. Go for it. Can I get a date with the hot women who are saying this?
Reality and honesty are one in the same. But they are also different. I try not to confuse the two, nor do I always mix the two. But many times they are the same and mix together quite well.
Just the other day, I had met a vanilla chic, one who I later discovered was very freaky and kinky. We seemed to click and hit it off ok. Turns out she works for a friend of mine. She asked her boss about me, her boss gave me a glowing report, even called me a saint. No seriously, she did call me a saint. Damn do I have her fooled. I mean, me a saint? Not hardly. But that’s another topic I will get to some day. Anyhow, for her birthday, I took her to breakfast and to a movie. NO she did not spend the night before breakfast. Anyhow, we spent the afternoon together, chatted a lot, laughed more and even played around. Nothing serious, in fact we both kept our clothes on. She was telling me about some things that were bothering her and me being the honest one, I gave her my HONEST opinion. Naturally she agreed with most, disagreed with some and even thanked me for being honest. She said more people should be like me and there should be less people who tell you what you want to hear. At the end of the day, my honesty also told her that while I was interested in her, there were personal things in her life that were causing me to keep her at arms length and would continue to do so until they were corrected. Because in reality, I do not deal with bull shit and drama too well. And that honesty even cost me a friendship and got me another negative response. WHAT THE FUCK is it with people who say they want honesty, but lash out at you when you give it to them? Make up your fucking mind people.
In closing, I will say this. I have told lies in the past. I am sure there will be lies in the future. I do not want to lie. I will always do my damndest to be honest. After all, reality tells us that lies will make a problem for you in the future, but honesty will make that problem a thing of the past. Stay honest, be real and above all else, be yourself.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Hello all.
Lately I have been trying to come up with a topic to blog
about. Unfortunately I am still unable
to come up with anything. I have been
itching lately to blog. So here I sit
and not one damn thing comes to mind.
Today I was on twitter and someone I follow stated they were
going to hell and driving the bus. She
asked who wanted to hop on. I stated I wasn’t
allowed in hell, because they are afraid I will take over. Well that is true. I mean I am so screwed up in the head who
would want me? Ya know?
Recently I took the Meyers Briggs test and I scored an
ENFJ. Here is a link to what it says
about me. What’s funny, even scary is,
ITS ALL FUCKING TRUE!!!! http://typelogic.com/enfj.html I am compared to people such as Abraham
Lincoln, Peyton Manning, Craig T Nelson and Sean Connery. Yes, that Sean Connery, the sexiest man
alive. So FUCK YES, I am like the
sexiest man alive. At least on the
inside.
I just read back through some old post. I laughed, even shed a few tears. One thing is my mind is still cloudy, hence
why it is hard for me to find a subject and write about it. Could someone (preferably female with nice
tig bitties and who smells good) come blow in my ear and just maybe blow this
cloud out my other ear that has my mind so foggy. I mean I can’t even focus to write something
smart ass, or inspiring or even seductive.
HOLY SHIT!!! Am I getting old and
already losing mental capacity? Quick,
someone show me your tits. NOT YOU
FUCKTARD, I don’t want to see any man boobs.
WOMAN BOOBS!!!!
A few months ago I met someone from twitter. She was strictly vanilla. Well, not strictly, I mentioned tying her
hands up and she did wink at me. Well, I
mentioned this blog and encouraged her to go read it. HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE. I make a stupid mistake by giving her the web
address to it. Well, obviously she didn’t
appreciate my openness and honesty because she bolted to never speak
again. Well, she did return a text about
a month later when I said hi and happy mom’s day. Then I got the standard line of, “you scare
me” and “sorry, not interested anymore, I am seeing someone” I wonder if I have enough for that
cruise around the world yet.
I suppose one thing that has stayed constant with me is who
I am. I am me. I don’t try to make myself out to be someone
I am not. And to a fault, I am brutally
honest. I have turned a few people away
with my honesty. If you cannot handle
it, the tough shit, you’re not for me.
Easy as that. I might stretch the
truth, maybe manipulate or twist things, but in the end I am honest about
it. I always seem to chuckle and laugh
at the ones who cannot handle honesty, especially from me. Sorry, run along fragile ego one who has
always been lied to.
I am going to stop here and post this. Maybe even link it to twitter. Thanks to everyone who still reads this blog,
if there are any of you that still do. Otherwise,
I will continue to talk to the voices in my head. I’m thinking of taking them on the road and
hitting some comedy clubs. Surely there
is someone out there who will laugh at them besides me.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
Friday, March 9, 2012
My grandmother
The last 6 months of my life have been one giant downhill. Having a pet put to sleep, divorce, issues at work and now a death in the family. Yesterday I found out my grandmother passed away. While she was in her 80’s and her death was expected, it is still hard to deal with death. I know I have seen more than my fair share in life. My step father passed away when I was 12, a sister passed away when I was 16. My grandfather passed away a week after my first marriage. My mom passed away in ’04 and now my grandmother. Not to mention other friends through out my life. High school classmate passed during my senior year, 3 more the year after I graduated plus countless others throughout my life time.
Last night I went to bed thinking about my grandmother. I can remember being a youngin and hearing her fuss at my uncles about them picking on me. I remember her taking me to swim lessons when I was 5 years old. How she begged my mom to get me to take piano lessons (which now, I wish had taken those lessons. Nothing is as soothing or as moving as hearing a piano being played.) I remember spending my summers at my grandmothers. She would take me swimming at the apartments where she lived, she would sit on the edge of the pool with her legs in the water and when I was 5, I would hold onto her legs and she would bounce me up and down in the water.
One memory that stands out the most is when I was about 10 or 11; I was at her apartment’s one summer night playing hide and seek with other kids. I came running around a corner and this lady had a German Sheppard that came running at me and bit me a few times. I ran home and told my grandmother about it. She marched herself over to this ladies apartment that owned the dog and proceeded to just “lay” into her about the dog. At 4’9” tall, my grandmother sure was a firecracker.
Here is a funny story. Who remembers cabbage patch dolls? Who HAD a cabbage patch doll? LOL. Well the one year that were super popular, what 83 or 84, and they were scarce, my mom wanted to get my sister one so bad for Christmas. Back then there were no Wal-Mart’s that were open all night. In fact the only thing open all night was a Super X drugstore. Even the grocery store closed at midnight. So this particular night grandmother was out doing her shopping because they only had one car and my grandfather was a traveling insurance salesman, she went into Super X and they were stocking cabbage patch dolls on the shelves. I remember my mom answering the phone and basically screaming into the phone yes to get the doll. Hell get 2 of them. The next day I am over at my grandmothers and she isn’t feeling to well, so I ask what’s wrong. Well come to find out my SHORT grandmother couldn’t reach the top of the shelf so she tried to “climb” the display and fell off, topping all of these cabbage patch dolls on her. I don’t know what came of all that, but I do remember how my uncles made fun of her. I am sure this story will be told this weekend and many many laughs will be shared about this.
My grandmother was sneaky. My oldest uncle worked at a grocery store during high school and college. So often times he would come home with his own food and keep it hidden in his bed room. My uncle has a thing for Little Debbie snack cakes, particular Swiss Cake Rolls. So, when my uncle would be at work or at school, grandmother would sneak into his room and steal a Swiss Cake Roll. Well then I would want one, so she would steal another. This always pissed my uncle off. Hmm, in fact to this day maybe that’s why he has such anger issues. LOL.
Another funny story. One year for my grandmother’s birthday, mom, sister and I took her to Red Lobster. Grandmother LOVED Red Lobster so it was an annual thing for a long long time to take her there. Lets see, this particular story was probably late ‘90’s nothing unusual about this particular birthday. Grandmother stealing sips of mom’s vodka cranberries or a bite off someone’s plate to sample what the others got. However, when it we were done eating grandmother pulled out her oversized bag and proceeded to pull out empty yogurt cups with lids and proceeded to empty everyone’s plate. If I had a forkful of rice left, grandmother scooped it up. NOTHING went to waste with my grandmother. Not only was she frugal but a hoarder. She literally had hundreds of these yogurt cups at her house. HUNDREDS!!!! My sister and I laughed at her. And grandmother simply replied in her grandmotherly way, “All of these left over are will make a wonderful snack later.” She took the one remaining AND half eaten cheddar biscuit and even polished off the last two drops of the vodka cranberry. I asked grandmother if she wanted the sweetnlow and sugar from the table and she replied sure. I said hell, why not and tossed the mini corona bottles used as salt and pepper shakers into her bag too. When the waitress came to clean the table, all she would find is 4 empty classes and 4 clean plates. Grandmother didn’t waste anything. LOL In fact, to this day, I still have those salt and pepper shakers and I use them.
3 things I can thank my grandmother for. My love and affection of yogurt, fig Newton’s and no bake cookies. Last night, when I got home, my dinner consisted of 2 cups of yogurt, a banana and fig Newton’s. All in honor of my grandmother. This weekend at some point I plan on making home made no bake cookies.
There are so many stories I could tell about my grandmother. Most of them funny since she has and always will be the highlight of growing up. I could always turn to my grandmother for advice, or help in some way. She took me in when I was going through my first divorce and for 2 years I lived with her. She would cook and do laundry. I would grocery shop and take care of the house. Sometimes we butted heads when she found out I snuck a girl in the back door to spend the night or if I bought the wrong item at the store. But one thing was certain through out my 39 years of life. Grandmother was always there. And her infinite wisdom always won out over anything.
I haven’t seen my grandmother in a few years, but we spoke often on the phone. My only regret is not being there for her yesterday when she took her final breath and left this world. But I have comfort in my heart and soul knowing that she is now reunited not only with all her friends but her family as well in heaven. She is once again hand in hand with my grand father and reunited with her only daughter, my mother in heaven. The last time I spoke with my grandmother, back in January, I ended the phone call with the same words I have been saying to her ever since I was able to mutter these words and I will end this with those same words.
I love you grandmother.
Me
Last night I went to bed thinking about my grandmother. I can remember being a youngin and hearing her fuss at my uncles about them picking on me. I remember her taking me to swim lessons when I was 5 years old. How she begged my mom to get me to take piano lessons (which now, I wish had taken those lessons. Nothing is as soothing or as moving as hearing a piano being played.) I remember spending my summers at my grandmothers. She would take me swimming at the apartments where she lived, she would sit on the edge of the pool with her legs in the water and when I was 5, I would hold onto her legs and she would bounce me up and down in the water.
One memory that stands out the most is when I was about 10 or 11; I was at her apartment’s one summer night playing hide and seek with other kids. I came running around a corner and this lady had a German Sheppard that came running at me and bit me a few times. I ran home and told my grandmother about it. She marched herself over to this ladies apartment that owned the dog and proceeded to just “lay” into her about the dog. At 4’9” tall, my grandmother sure was a firecracker.
Here is a funny story. Who remembers cabbage patch dolls? Who HAD a cabbage patch doll? LOL. Well the one year that were super popular, what 83 or 84, and they were scarce, my mom wanted to get my sister one so bad for Christmas. Back then there were no Wal-Mart’s that were open all night. In fact the only thing open all night was a Super X drugstore. Even the grocery store closed at midnight. So this particular night grandmother was out doing her shopping because they only had one car and my grandfather was a traveling insurance salesman, she went into Super X and they were stocking cabbage patch dolls on the shelves. I remember my mom answering the phone and basically screaming into the phone yes to get the doll. Hell get 2 of them. The next day I am over at my grandmothers and she isn’t feeling to well, so I ask what’s wrong. Well come to find out my SHORT grandmother couldn’t reach the top of the shelf so she tried to “climb” the display and fell off, topping all of these cabbage patch dolls on her. I don’t know what came of all that, but I do remember how my uncles made fun of her. I am sure this story will be told this weekend and many many laughs will be shared about this.
My grandmother was sneaky. My oldest uncle worked at a grocery store during high school and college. So often times he would come home with his own food and keep it hidden in his bed room. My uncle has a thing for Little Debbie snack cakes, particular Swiss Cake Rolls. So, when my uncle would be at work or at school, grandmother would sneak into his room and steal a Swiss Cake Roll. Well then I would want one, so she would steal another. This always pissed my uncle off. Hmm, in fact to this day maybe that’s why he has such anger issues. LOL.
Another funny story. One year for my grandmother’s birthday, mom, sister and I took her to Red Lobster. Grandmother LOVED Red Lobster so it was an annual thing for a long long time to take her there. Lets see, this particular story was probably late ‘90’s nothing unusual about this particular birthday. Grandmother stealing sips of mom’s vodka cranberries or a bite off someone’s plate to sample what the others got. However, when it we were done eating grandmother pulled out her oversized bag and proceeded to pull out empty yogurt cups with lids and proceeded to empty everyone’s plate. If I had a forkful of rice left, grandmother scooped it up. NOTHING went to waste with my grandmother. Not only was she frugal but a hoarder. She literally had hundreds of these yogurt cups at her house. HUNDREDS!!!! My sister and I laughed at her. And grandmother simply replied in her grandmotherly way, “All of these left over are will make a wonderful snack later.” She took the one remaining AND half eaten cheddar biscuit and even polished off the last two drops of the vodka cranberry. I asked grandmother if she wanted the sweetnlow and sugar from the table and she replied sure. I said hell, why not and tossed the mini corona bottles used as salt and pepper shakers into her bag too. When the waitress came to clean the table, all she would find is 4 empty classes and 4 clean plates. Grandmother didn’t waste anything. LOL In fact, to this day, I still have those salt and pepper shakers and I use them.
3 things I can thank my grandmother for. My love and affection of yogurt, fig Newton’s and no bake cookies. Last night, when I got home, my dinner consisted of 2 cups of yogurt, a banana and fig Newton’s. All in honor of my grandmother. This weekend at some point I plan on making home made no bake cookies.
There are so many stories I could tell about my grandmother. Most of them funny since she has and always will be the highlight of growing up. I could always turn to my grandmother for advice, or help in some way. She took me in when I was going through my first divorce and for 2 years I lived with her. She would cook and do laundry. I would grocery shop and take care of the house. Sometimes we butted heads when she found out I snuck a girl in the back door to spend the night or if I bought the wrong item at the store. But one thing was certain through out my 39 years of life. Grandmother was always there. And her infinite wisdom always won out over anything.
I haven’t seen my grandmother in a few years, but we spoke often on the phone. My only regret is not being there for her yesterday when she took her final breath and left this world. But I have comfort in my heart and soul knowing that she is now reunited not only with all her friends but her family as well in heaven. She is once again hand in hand with my grand father and reunited with her only daughter, my mother in heaven. The last time I spoke with my grandmother, back in January, I ended the phone call with the same words I have been saying to her ever since I was able to mutter these words and I will end this with those same words.
I love you grandmother.
Me
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Are your friends being chosen for you?
So recently I have been very active on twitter. If you want to follow me, I am @Strictnstern4u. Make sure if you follow me to say hi and you read my blog. Anyhow, back to my thought after my shameless plug for twitter. Recently something has transpired that irks me to the core. Collared submissives that must get the blessing of their Dom to speak, or interact with another. Now, before you start giving me shit about this, I DO respect a collar and that relationship and in no way am I writing about it here now to trash someone’s collar.
If you are a submissive and you are collared to a Dom, great for you. I wish you 2 the best. What I want to talk about is the fact that he/she chooses who you can and can not converse or communicate with. If that’s the case, then are you still a submissive or are you now a slave since you are now giving up the right of who you can and can not communicate with? If that is the case, good for you, however, if it is not, then I think there is a serious underlying issue at hand.
One, is there something he is hiding? Besides you that is. To me it is a red flag being run of the ole flag pole when your friends are being chosen for you. In my opinion I feel he/she is hiding something from you. If there is complete trust, why should he be the one to pick and choose?
What brings this up is recently I gained a follower. I noticed it was a sub in the lifestyle, so I just did a common thing and went to follow this person back. Only that they have their account private and thus you must be approved to be a follower. Ok. No problem. One of two things came to mind immediately. Either they are trying to remain private and discrete and prevent someone from their vanilla world from finding them (totally different subject matter, I blogged about this before, just remember, if they come looking for the lifestyle and they find you, why fear of being outted? They will out themselves too. Just an observation.) Or, they are being told who you can and can not communicate with.
Another instance was discovered today. Someone whom I was following, had a few conversations with via twitter about bdsm related items and subjects is no longer following me AND has now blocked me. Why? I am not sure. Do I care? Yes and no. Yes I do, because she did express to me she was in a quandary. No, because obviously, and this is my opinion, their Dom feels threatened by me in some way. If this is the case, then grow a set and man up. Are you THAT fucking insecure in yourself that you feel threatened by a Dom via a social networking site? Really?!?
Again, I will put my disclaimer in here by stating this is MY BLOG and MY OPINION and no one is forcing you to read what I have to say. If you disagree, great, let’s discuss it more. I love open and friendly discussions. If you are offended, then tough shit, I aint here for you. If you have issue then simply click the little red X in the upper right corner of your screen. SEEYALATERBYE!!!!
Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter to me what you do, how you do it, why you do it, etc. But to me when something just doesn’t seem right, guess what, it usually isn’t right. One of the biggest issues I see is people not using common sense. If we all took a deep breath, stepped back and use some common sense, a lot of things will work themselves out.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
If you are a submissive and you are collared to a Dom, great for you. I wish you 2 the best. What I want to talk about is the fact that he/she chooses who you can and can not converse or communicate with. If that’s the case, then are you still a submissive or are you now a slave since you are now giving up the right of who you can and can not communicate with? If that is the case, good for you, however, if it is not, then I think there is a serious underlying issue at hand.
One, is there something he is hiding? Besides you that is. To me it is a red flag being run of the ole flag pole when your friends are being chosen for you. In my opinion I feel he/she is hiding something from you. If there is complete trust, why should he be the one to pick and choose?
What brings this up is recently I gained a follower. I noticed it was a sub in the lifestyle, so I just did a common thing and went to follow this person back. Only that they have their account private and thus you must be approved to be a follower. Ok. No problem. One of two things came to mind immediately. Either they are trying to remain private and discrete and prevent someone from their vanilla world from finding them (totally different subject matter, I blogged about this before, just remember, if they come looking for the lifestyle and they find you, why fear of being outted? They will out themselves too. Just an observation.) Or, they are being told who you can and can not communicate with.
Another instance was discovered today. Someone whom I was following, had a few conversations with via twitter about bdsm related items and subjects is no longer following me AND has now blocked me. Why? I am not sure. Do I care? Yes and no. Yes I do, because she did express to me she was in a quandary. No, because obviously, and this is my opinion, their Dom feels threatened by me in some way. If this is the case, then grow a set and man up. Are you THAT fucking insecure in yourself that you feel threatened by a Dom via a social networking site? Really?!?
Again, I will put my disclaimer in here by stating this is MY BLOG and MY OPINION and no one is forcing you to read what I have to say. If you disagree, great, let’s discuss it more. I love open and friendly discussions. If you are offended, then tough shit, I aint here for you. If you have issue then simply click the little red X in the upper right corner of your screen. SEEYALATERBYE!!!!
Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter to me what you do, how you do it, why you do it, etc. But to me when something just doesn’t seem right, guess what, it usually isn’t right. One of the biggest issues I see is people not using common sense. If we all took a deep breath, stepped back and use some common sense, a lot of things will work themselves out.
Me
I will inflict the pain, but I will kiss away the tears.
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